When people ask me why I am so against phones, my reason is this:
The greatest tragedy to happen since the invention of phones, social media and overall, just too much technology is what it did to personal communication.
And I really mean that word - Tragedy.
Relationships are marginalized because of a lack of communication. People struggle more than ever with being human - With being vulnerable - With just saying what they truly mean.
Friendships fall apart because of a lack of communication. There is absolutely no replacement for the depth that comes from spending time with friends or family in person - And truly having conversations of substance. With really listening to one another.
But, because people are constantly stimulated, their brains rarely have the time to figure out how to articulate what they mean to. What they need to. So what ends up happening is lots of passive aggression.
And make no mistake - There are very few things more dangerous to relationships than passive aggression.
You're trying to tell someone something that's actually important to you - But you wait and wait and wait until all that emotion builds up to the moment you finally just explode. And when you explode, you're not speaking with logic anymore - It's pure emotion. And that's okay but what any genuine friend or family member will say is - Why did you wait so long to tell me this? I would've gladly done things differently or treated you differently and tried to help if you just... Told me.
Lack of communication minimizes the true connection possible in friendships and family. And especially in relationships.
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What I've noticed is - The more people are on their phones, the less they interact with the phones themselves. So this leads to people not responding to texts - Even though they see them right away. And the more people are on phones, the less they are comfortable with in person interaction. Their heads are busier. They're spending time with people but they're not actually there because they're thinking of all the things they need to do, the emails they forgot to respond to, the texts they ignored, etc.
And when you're not genuinely there for someone in an in-person conversation, they can see it. They can feel it. I promise.
And when this happens, people stop opening up as much to you. Conversations become much more topical. Less depth. Less emotion. Less true connection.
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We KNOW this. So I implore you to please do your part is being there for your friends and family. Leave your phone at home when you go out to dinner or at least leave it in your car before you go inside. Truly listen.
When you're upset or angry with someone, that's okay. But please communicate that and give them the information possible to make a change. You might shake while you're telling them. You might feel it's confrontational. But if you tell them before you've stewed in the emotions for weeks before - You'll probably be able to articulate it with compassion. And by doing it, that person will probably truly appreciate you and your honesty (And if they don't, please find more genuine friendships). And with that information, you at least give them the opportunity to be a better friend - A better family member - A better lover or partner to you. And if they choose not to change with the information given, that's okay too - Because you at least know where you stand and can make your own decision from there.
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Please. Put your phones down more. Leave them at home when you go on walks or hikes. Leave them in your car every dinner conversation you can. And just watch the quality of relationships that start to build around you.
There's still time. I promise.