I wish I was simple. I wish. But I am just not.

I have a real love for my cats. I look at their insane simplicity with awe, as I work through complex problems in my own personal and social life.

I wish I was like them.

This was why I really loved Lillie. I sincerely loved her simplicity. I really did. I thought it was perfect. I wanted to be more like it. I wanted to be inspired by it. I wanted to learn from her how to go for simpler, more attainable goals.

How to make my own home the only world I needed to understand.

No deep conversations about a potential outside of those walls. There was nothing out there. That was too much to think about. No matter the chaos in the world, no matter the wars being fought - Lillie had her bed, her cat and her shows - And so she had her sanctuary. Which was a beautiful place to be.

We just had one difference that would burn down even the highest walls.

I understood my potential as being without borders and I had to see how much of it I could actualize. This was not confined to a home, to my city, not even to my country. It was the entire world that I needed to understand.

Each and every day, I wake up with a fire inside of me, knowing that my dreams are possible if I continue on the path I have been on.

But holy shit, this path is messy.

There’s no gravel on it. It’s not even a straight line. And it’s fucking lonely and one that no one else even sees except me. To them, I’m trudging through an endless forest, lost in the bushes and covered in thorns. Running from an imaginary ghost.

They don’t see the tiny, dark and jumbled path I found in the thorns. They don’t see that I do know where I am going - I see the light and have for some time now - It just keeps moving as I get closer to it.

That light though, as I have come to realize, is the end of this path. The end of this grand adventure I have loved living.

So, for now, I just wish for the path to get a little wider.

Wide enough to let some more people join me on it. A partner. A wife. A family of my own. One that walks that line with me, with love and sanctuary, when the sun goes down and the brisk air hits. One that reminds me that love is already there and I do not need to do anything to earn it.

But they do not try to stand in the middle of the path. For they are on their own path and I get to help provide the same love and sanctuary for them, as they travel forward.

But somedays - I wish I never even saw the path. I wish I never even looked for it. My finish line could be my bed, my cats, my shows each and every day.

But I know about the path. I know about the light.