Here's the deal. I always thought I was going to die young.

Look, here’s the deal. I’ve always thought I was going to die young. Now, I don’t know if I thought I was going to die early because of me falling off a cliff, getting hit by a train or something crazy like that. Or something more normal like a heart attack, with my weird crazy heart. Maybe this is a reason why I don’t let these girls get close to me, or anyone for that matter, because ive always felt like that.

But regardless, its why I make sure I live 1,000 lifetimes as early as I physically can. Its why I burn down every possible dream and chase it as far into the sunset as physically possible. Its why I will not tolerate a no - How the fuck could you care about a no, in the face of death? It’s worthless. It’s a game. It just makes me go after my dreams harder, faster. 

It does certainly put a bit of an expediency to my timeline and something I feel. Again, whether this is completely false and just something I tell myself or if there’s some logic to it - I guess we’ll never know until that time truly comes. But, in the mean time, Im going 120 miles an hour in a 25 mph school zone. I’m past the gatekeeper so ridiculously fast that they don’t have the time to question what im doing. Im seeing things as often as possible, that people keep on their bucket list for far too long. I’m creating with every beat of blood that my heart can push out. Tired, scared, uncertain - I’m creating during all of it. I’ve written more in the last 6 months than I have in the last 10 years. The only thing that can possibly get me to sit still for a moment is if I smoke pot and im such a crazy son of a bitch that, knowing that, I left all of it at home for this entire month.

Im burning. Im burning. 

Whether I live until im 100 or I die when im 40, I’m doing everything I can to make sure I leave the world better for my time being here. 

I’m doing everything I can to make sure I can never die.