Why Do We Resist?

Why do we force things that just don’t fit? Why do we resist what we so strongly know to be the truth?

It has always been our guiding light and when we ignore it, we fall apart.

It’s like leaving a perfectly groomed trail that is leading us towards the destination we were hoping for. We leave it and then we get bit by a snake, cut up by thorns in the bushes and hit a big rock wall… And still refuse to just go back to the trail.

The trail has always been there. And it’s only illuminated by our pursuit of purpose. Our intuition is the guide.

It will always be the path of least resistance.

Lucky.

I was lucky enough to learn the beauty of authenticity the hardest way possible… When I first left home in my early 20’s.

I was running away from everything and everyone, heartbroken and terrified, poor and with only a few things I could fit in my trunk. No job. No outside support. Running away from a loving and safe home into the pure and feral wild, without a single plan of survival other than to head west.

Everyone told me I was foolish and unhinged but something deep in my soul kept their critiques to only a whisper. There was already a spark in me that was moving towards the dry brush where the wildfire would take place. The wildfire of purpose, passion and freedom. One that was sure to grant eternal life.

That very first night I left, I slept in a rest stop… In the back seat of a sedan. It didn’t recline and I couldn’t even stretch all the way out. I had always thought such a scenario would make me feel scared and dirty but it didn’t… It did the opposite. It made me feel free.

I drove endlessly. I stopped in every desolate and blank town I could find. I had nowhere to be and nowhere to go. I watched these new worlds of people living in vastly different lives that what I had ever seen or noticed. It might as well been a different planet with a different species.

A police officer pulling into the driveway of his simple, unassuming home. Grass that was desperately needing to be mowed. A broken down car in the garage.

A waitress smoking a cigarette and staring lifelessly at the broken cement below her feet. I don’t think there was a single thought going through her mind.

A rancher loading his dogs in the back of his truck, dirty forehead, dirty boots and dirty hands. A gentle lightness about his aura.

These were their lives. They knew nothing else.

I had no phone and no laptop so this was always my movie. Some people have big TV screens… I had the dirty windshield of my car. The movie I was watching was always changing, always new, always real. And best of all, if I didn’t want to just watch the movie, I could just put the window down and be in it. I could hear the noises myself. I could smell the smells all around. I could jump in the lake I saw through my windshield and immediately feel completely alive.

Completely present. No past. No future. Just there in that one perfect moment.

I learned, intuitively, during these years that we are simply not meant to still if we want to survive. We’re not meant to always be clean. Not meant to watch the movie on a plastic screen.

We are here to experience everything we can, in all of it’s entirety, in all of it’s color. We are simply petri-dishes that become our environment, mixed together by all the experiences we put into our life. The experiences that end up becoming the blood that courses through our very veins.

If you truly want to save yourself and be alive, burn down all of your comforts and walk back into the unknown.

That’s where the gods have always been waiting for you.

This life is all we have. The only way you can ever wake up from the dream is to sit still and die.

Written in the Tetons.

Up here in the mountain, my soul feels like it can finally rest. A deep breath I often find myself in my day to day life in the city. If you stay properly disconnected from the play, your mental health is at peace because you’re back in the flow, where we’ve always been and always should stay.

In the flow, there’s nothing to overthink because our bodies know exactly where we are. When we know where we are and why we’re there, we can just be.

Be ourselves and nobody else.

And what freedom and what bliss there is in just being.

No costume to wear. No armor to assemble. No act to recite.

Death Only Comes To Those Who Sit Still.

When I sit at home for too long and do not move, I get depressed. And when I get depressed for too long, I get scared. And there’s absolutely no room for fear in this life. Life is far too short and I’ve always embraced the practice. The growth.

Always known I need it.

I need that fear to serve as a bridge moving forward. For, without that bridge, you’ll never make it across the valleys you’ll find along the way.

Fear makes adrenaline. And adrenaline was designed to get us to move, not sit still. It is the only way to get our hearts to pump enough blood necessary properly wake us up. To wake ourselves up from the slumber we fall into when we’re bathed in comfort. And we can only make the most of the dream we live in if we’re awake enough to notice what’s already right in front of our faces.

Every time I stop moving, I am reminded that we are just not meant to sit still. I need it. I need new experiences to remind myself what is real and what is not. I need new experiences to stay awake. To stay engaged. To be able to communicate properly and honestly.

For my words will always be dogshit if I’m not inspired when I write them.

And no one likes dogshit - Especially creative dogshit.

My confidence is only genuinely rejuvenated when I am reminded of the magic. When I bathe in it and soak up it’s light.

Otherwise, nothing makes sense to me.

For death only comes to those who sit still.

If you quit fighting your demons, they’ll get stronger and someday will win. But out here, it’s only you that gets stronger.

I can only write when I am awake.

The pen doesn’t work in the pure darkness. Your light loses power and eventually goes black. And the blacker it gets, the harder it gets to find the door when you need a way out.

And you always need a way out sometimes or you risk losing it all.

You risk becoming a ghost that cannot even find himself when he looks in the mirror. And, if that happens, that means you actually do have to die someday.

Fade away into the void.

That’s where hell truly exists. Everything else is heaven.

And in heaven, you never have to die.

What I Was Trying To Remember.

I didn’t realize it then but, after this last trip, I realize what I was trying to remember.

I was trying to remember who I was without all these ups and downs, rejections and self-doubt.

Just that, above all.

To slay the self doubt without anything except a clear and confident presence in remembering who I am behind everything else.

To adjust the compass, just a tiny bit.

Because, while it’s easy to see failure on the surface, I instead saw more of the clouds part and show me where to go next.

Even though the sun was setting and the light seemed dimmer, the only thing I noticed was the stars shining brighter than ever before.

How much do you believe in yourself?

Don’t you just want more of this dream you’re already living?

Share it in love. Share it with the world.

Just give it all away.

Don't beg for the masses.

Don’t beg for the masses - Look for the one.

Don’t overindulge so you can savor every sip.

Maybe.

Maybe my writings will end up in a museum.

Maybe they’ll end up in a landfill.

If history serves any marker, it’ll probably be the latter.

But that’s okay with me because, either way, this writing is how I think. How I understand. How I create.

Whatever you do with it is none of my business.

Let's Go Ahead and Think of Creativity Like A Creek.

Let’s go ahead and think of creativity like a creek that is yours. A creek that gives you nourishment.

The only thing that is your responsibility is to keep the water clear, clean and flowing.

That will be removing stones and logs, trash and debris, daily, so that the water you drink from the creek gets and stays as clean as possible.

Now, no matter how good the water tastes, you don’t want to tell the whole world and sell as many tickets to it as possible. Because then people will step in it. They’ll leave trash.

They’ll make it to where you have lots of money but no water left to drink.

However, if your water is truly special and pure, you can share it freely with people that will cherish it. That need the nourishment as much as you.

That truly appreciate it.

You might not be as rich but you can have a very fulfilled life and a creek that is always flowing.

(And, with any creek, you couldn’t capture all the water even if you wanted to.

So, just dip a glass in and take a sip when needed.

The Only Reason We're Showing My Life Is Because For Most Of It, I've Been Poor.

The only reason we’re showing my life is because I’ve been poor for most of my life.

When you’re poor, you’re a part of the world. You’re outside. You’re in it.

You don’t have the luxury to sit inside and do nothing.

Outside, that’s where life happens and why today, it is still hard for me to be inside too much and be comfortable. I get depressed hwn I am.

So I have looked for all the free stuff you can do that makes life an adventure. Swimming in the ocea, skating in the streets, talking to strangers, listening to stories, writing. Lots and lots of writing.

The whole world out here is a movie. It’s riddled with fascinating characters that have also ‘struggled’ and have stories to tell. And the time to tell you it. It’s way more authentic - No one is trying to sell you anything and they don’t care at all ab out impresssing you. Those days are long gone. They don’t care what you’re wearing. Where you come from. What you do for a living. What race you are. How old. Who you voted for.

They don’t give a flying fuck about any of those things.

They only care how you treat them and the respect you earn, based on your actions.

You cannot ask for respect. It is only earned.

What is really cool is that the skills you learn out here are a lot of the skills you will HAVE to know to succeed in business. To lead. To guide. To navigate.

If I had to pick a negative, it would only be that it makes it harder to relate to people still in the real world. So it can get pretty lonely if you are trying to find people that understand you. People in the real world have an identity they like to back up and regurgitate their stories. They don’t have the patience, the time or the clarity to actually have a balanced conversation - Let alone actually given themselves the time to know who they are. Enough to be able to tell you.

Most people like to tell you who they are, mostly through the routine things they do, because that’s the script they know. It’s safe. It fits into the ‘rules’. They cannot be questioned too much because enough other people are doing the same thing.

But out here, people won’t even have a conversation with you if you try to give them a script. They’ll slash you to pieces and pull you apart. And, if there’s nothing in there, at best, they’ll just stop talking to you. At worst, they already know how fragile you are (They can see and feel it) so they can do anything they want.

To navigate this weird world (mostly America), you’re going to have to learn how to play these games with people’s identities. Just think, if you meta character in a video game, there’s going to be certain attributes about their character that you have to abide by. The rules are different if you meet a prince in a castle than a blacksmith in his shop. It’s a waste of time to be upset a blacksmith can’t help you get into the castle. In the real world, there’s costumes and rules to what you can wear so you don’t stick out too much or ruffle feathers. If you stick out too much, people might ask you questions - Questions you might have no clue the answer to. So it’s easier to just look like everyone else and blend in.

It’s easier to distract and numb ourselves as time just melts away. To stay asleep.

No One Steals Your Time Out Here.

I come out here because out here, no one says ‘Can I have some of your time?’

No one stops by.

No one interrupts.

Out here, you have every tool you could ever need to inspire yourself and create.

Only you can discipline yourself.

Only you has to discipline yourself.

Go.

It’s the same reason do everything. Run marathons. Build businesses. Push ourselves. Climb mountains.

To show ourselves that we can conquer the process, for long enough to persevere.

For we know damn well there’s nothing there for us. And once we climb that mountain, there will be another one right next to it that’s taller and meaner.

That is the gift.

Knowing we’ll never see the taller mountain until we first stand on the summit of the first one.

Give thanks for the suffering.

To be a giver.

Let me give you the blunt, brutal honesty on being a giver. On loving others with a blinding love.

There is simply no better way to live, in my opinion. It’s the most natural thing we can do - To love. To give. To believe in the goodness of others and do what we can to help the world. It is why we are here on earth. And if you have love to give, it only starves YOU to hold it all within yourself.

To love others is to have great strength. It takes confidence to love without expectations. It takes fortitude to love freely. It takes authenticity to love selflessly.

Now, thats the good news.

But there’s another part of that that’s important to know.

If you really love others, you will just never get it all back. You can’t expect to. That’s not the point. People will take it from you and give you nothing in return. They’ll feast at your table and not even offer to do the dishes. They might question your motives, even if you have none.

(And it is almost never malicious - They rarely know that they’re doing this)

They will sometimes jump to assumptions. They will come up with judgements.

If this happens, please just remember this is out of fear and has almost always has nothing to do with you.

People do interesting and strange things when they know that you truly see them, down to their core. They feel vulnerable and exposed and many times, this will be one of the rare times they have felt this. They will know they cannot hide behind an identity or a presentation so they will have to be themselves and tell the truth. And not everyone does a great job with this - Especially if they’ve been hiding for a long time.

(Many times this is because they’ve been hurt in the past and again, this has nothing to do with you).

So if you love others freely, I commend you. I respect you.

I know full well how hard and isolating it can be many times. I know how much it takes out of you and how little you get back. But I commend you because there is no higher form of genuine strength and kindness.

I promise you - It is the valiant journey. It is the one worth taking. It is the one that fills you with purpose and presence. It is the one that brings the best out of people and helps the world heal at a time when we need it more than ever.

Just do not take this journey out of an expectation of getting it back. That simply cannot be the point.

The reward is the purpose. The reward is a soul that is always full. The reward is a life without regret.

If I'm overthinking, I'm not there at all.

Watching the ocean through the window - Not in the sand.

Watching people from after - Not close and personal at all.

Always moving. Always a ghost.

Always wasting time.

Living in the moment is a gift but, if you don’t fulfill your responsibilities before, the moment is cloudy and your head is somewhere else during it.

You can be anywhere in the world and, if you’re overthinking, you’re not there at all.

And I haven’t been there in quite a while.

To be out here is to be in the eternal.

(Written on the beach in Cambria, CA)

To be out here is truly to be in the eternal. It all just makes sense here.

When we sit still and disconnect from nature, we fall apart because we are just not meant to be there.

We waste insane amounts of time. We drink and eat poorly. We busy ourselves with things that help time go by. Things that we don’t necessarily even care about.

What a disservice to the magic of life. To this one incredible opportunity we have.

To not see what we truly can become by standing on the shores of the eternal ocean or in the shadows of the mountains.

To see what awe does to wake up our soul and remind us that we are so very alive.

To feel the cold, black sand under your toes and watch the indigo sunshine wash our worries away.

So that, when we watch the sun set and the ocean recede, at least then we remember that today really does matter.

That this life truly is a gift, just to be ehere for this one moment in time.

I can't sit in comfort for too long if I want to create.

After trips like this, I realize my issue with my creativity at home.

At home, I’m always clean. Showered with deodorant. Food in the fridge. Bed sheets laundered and made. Thermostat where I want it.

Out in the world, there’s scarcity. No fridge always full of food. Showers are not a given every day. I have to search for the comforts if I feel they’re important. All of that has to be earned and that process is really fucking important if you want to actually appreciate any of it.

At home, I don’t have to earn it. So I take it for granted and get depressed when I forget how simple joy can be. My hairs a mess. I could use a shower. But my hearts open and burning with inspiration. I wake up in the morning with no clue where I’ll sleep that night but that’s never mattered. All that matters is what I find along the way.

My life only gets easier from here. So I do what I can to sleep in the dirt and shower in experience. To see what I can create with it.

At home, I have the luxury of wasting time. Out here, no time is wasted.

It’s all a part of your story.

The life of a drinker.

I like the life of a drinker. '

He wastes his time, always trying to to numb himself. Trying to think his darkest thoughts without pain.

Always around people yet always alone. His thoughts burn with emotion, haunted by the chaos of the past, to which he finds there is no fair answer.

He lost in every situation. Always an ant amongst the gods.

He drinks until his thoughts only whisper, quiet enough to at least be able to fall asleep. So that, in the morning, he might have one chance at redemption. To make redeem himself for the hell he caused to all those around him.

Thinking he will finally find his soul on the bottom of that glass. Even though he knows there is no bottom. Hell is an unforgiving pit - The guards have never had a conscience.

The drinkers are the writers. The dreamers. The poets. The romantics. The ones that burn from the black water. That remind the world that there’s more than what they might see. Or could even possibly believe.

Even though they would never possibly believe it themselves.

For, if the world is not every bit as dark to them too, they would not waste as much time trying to find the light. The one that they’ll die before they could ever see it for themself.

Burning.

I’m burning.

I burn from the first sip of coffee in the morning until my last possible moment of the day. The energy that burns through me is pure. natural. I have no idea where it comes from but it’s definitely a bottomless pit.

I roll out of bed ecstatic with what unknown adventures will unfold. The world just keeps giving me every single thing I need to create my best work. Every conversation flows naturally.

Thats why I always tell people that I am nothing special.

I’m not.

Just a person that said fuck every comfort and put myself into the world. Untethered. I pushed away from shore and no one even noticed. I built my own raft, surveyed the horizon and guessed on which star to follow. I didn’t ask for permission. I didn’t look at a map. I just trusted my chaos and let it lead me into the void. I lost touch with reality and burned the instruction manual. I reported to no one but myself.

But I also face the consequences of those actions. Even though I am truly free, I am also drifting out in the ocean. I never let anyone get close enough to be able to throw me a rope if I need it.

I chose the point of no return - The one that means death at the end. Where we don’t really know if there’s a salvation just before the edge.

A safety net to make the risk make any fucking sense.

A floor to the bottomless pit.

The antidote to the venemous bite.

Giving yourself the gift you've always looked for.

One thing that really breaks my heart these days is to see so many people bouncing from relationship to relationship. They get out of one and are dating the next week. Rinse and repeat. Years and years and years in a row.

I know it's not easy to be by yourself guys. I'll be honest - When you first experience those feelings of loneliness, you are going to feel a lot of discomfort. A lot of emotions. A lot of things you have been pushing down for years and years before. They can really strip you down and make you feel very, very vulnerable.

But discomfort is always just a temporary test... Because discomfort will end up being one of your best friends.

It's a natural mechanism from our brain to get us to move - Not sit still. When you allow yourself to sit in that discomfort, eventually, you'll have cried your tears and done your introspection and fought your battles. So then, you'll be so uncomfortable that you'll have to go out and do something about it. You'll start a hobby you've been thinking about, just to be around others. You'll probably form new friendships in that hobby, which will be based on something you love, so they're more connected and truer friends to you. You'll reach out to family and friends to spend time together which, in turn, deepens those relationships. You'll learn to ask for help when you need it. You'll try new things. You'll probably write, draw, hike, travel, make music... Something, anything, to find purpose within yourself.

And through all of this, you'll end up giving yourself (and the world) the gift of learning who you truly are, behind everything else.

What you truly love.

What truly gives you peace and contentment.

What makes you unique and special.

The best part of this? When you give yourself the gift of learning who you truly are, no one can ever take that from you. Ever. And that will give you a deep sense of peace that you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Then all you have do is share it. Share your heart. Share your life. Tell the truth. Love deeply and love for the right reasons.

You'll never need to give up a part of yourself to find the love you're truly looking for.

Because you'll know everyday that you already have it.

A note from my grandmother.

My grandmother, Beatrice, was above and beyond one of the biggest role models of my life. She is the example that allowed my mom to be the incredible human she is today. And my mom is one of the main reasons I give my heart away to as many as I can.

This process is a terrifying one because there is so much self-doubt and imposter syndrome. You are usually met with all the rejections and insecurities of others that you constantly have to navigate. And it can be very revealing to why so many people give up on their dreams far too early.

The good news is: I don’t do this for you guys. I mean, I do, but that’s not my marker if I should continue or not. My grandmother wrote me a letter before she passed that I have always kept with me, that reminds me why we’ll never stop going. In it, she said:

“Adam,

For a long time - I’ve had these thoughts about you.

1. You are young - vibrant - and quite talented - i.e. Your ‘Thank You’ notes are beautiful printing. Very thoughtful words and wonderful messages with meaning - So good for me to hear from you.

2. Your talent of writing should not be folded over on a piece of paper.

3. Let the world in on some of it.

I know you don’t like long, drawn out notes - So I’ll come to the point. Think bout writing a book or think about how your writing ability could be used online. Short articles to magazines, newspapers. Making up a new logo for a popular product. (Protect yourself with a patent or something of that nature).

You’ve got the ‘stuff’ to do anything so hopefully you will go for it.

Sincerely and lovingly,

Grandma

If you stick your neck out, then the sword will come.

"If you stick your neck out, then the sword will come. Many, many cultures have a saying like that. The English version? "The poppy that grows higher than the rest is the first one to have it's head removed by the scythe." In Japan, 'The nail that sticks up above the rest is the first to get hit by the hammer.'

This is a non-trivial observation. Artistic, creative endeavor is high risk, which the probability of return is low.

But the probability of exceptionally high return does exist, and creative endeavor, while dangerous and unlikely to be successful, is also absolutely vital to the transformation that enables us to keep our footing.

We NEED the new, merely to maintain our position. And we need to see what we have become blinded to, by our very expertise and specialization, so that we do not lose touch with the Kingdom of God and die in our boredom, ennui, arrogance, blindness to beauty and soul-deadening cynicism.

Art is exploration. Artists train people to see.

Most people with any exposure to art now regard the work of the impressionists, for example, as both self-evidently beautiful and relatively traditional. This is in no small part because we all perceive the world now, at least in part, in the manner that only the impressionists could manage in the latter half of the nineteenth century. We cannot help doing so because the impressionist aesthetic has saturated everything: advertisements, movies, popular posters, comic books, photographs - All kinds of visual arts.

Now we all see the beauty of light that only the impressionists could once apprehend.

They taught us this.

But when the impressionists first displayed their paintings - In the Salon des Refuses of 1863 (as the traditional Paris Salon had rejected them), the pieces were met with laughter and contempt. The idea of perceiving that way (paying particular attention to light, essentially rather than form) was so radical that is caused people to have emotional fits.'

Jordan Peterson, Beyond Order