Let's think of your creativity like a river.

Let's go ahead and think of your creativity like a river that you have on your property. A river that you and your family rely on to live.

The only thing that is your responsibility (and within your control) is to keep the water clear, clean and flowing. That will mean removing stones, logs, trash and debris daily so that the water you drink from stays as clean as possible and keeps flowing.

You don’t control what the river does after you do these things. But you can control what flows down it and what you take out of it.

Now, no matter how good the water tastes, you don't want to make it your goal to get as many people to drink out of it as possible because people will step in it. They'll leave trash. They'll tell you how to change it to fit their own desires. They'll make it where you might have lots of money but no water left to drink.

Water you and your family need to survive.

However, if your water is truly special, you can share it freely with people that will cherish it. That need the nourishment too. That will truly appreciate it.

If you always rely on other people to tell you that your water is great for you to keep it flowing - Then you'll always be looking elsewhere for the sustenance you already have.

And it's not out there. You'll never find it there.

You might not be as rich but you can have a very fulfilled life and a river that is always flowing and teeming with life that will always benefit the direct environment all around it. And, as people drink from that river and go back into the world, they will positively impact everything around them because of it.

And, as with any river, you simply couldn't capture all the water even if you wanted to.

So just dip a glass in and take a sip when needed. And let the rest just flow past.

Want to know a secret?

You want me to tell you a secret about this whole 'Chasing dreams...' thing?

It's all play. All of it. It's supposed to be.

It's a puzzle. And what most people don't realize is: You're not given all the pieces in the beginning. It's up to you to go around and find them yourself.

You'll find a new piece in new experiences. In self care. In failure. In success. In friendships and conversations. In travel. In new routines that serve you well.

In trying your best. Always in just trying.

That rejection that seemed like the worst thing in the world? What you didn't notice was that it also gave you a puzzle piece you couldn't have gotten any other way. And the next time you try and solve the puzzle, you'll have a little more information to help you do so.

Still can't figure it out? Go look for more puzzle pieces. They're out there. And the play part is: You don't know where they'll be until you go out and look for them.

I promise you one thing - The puzzle pieces will never come looking for you. They're not going to show up at your house while you're waiting for them to. And they would probably be the wrong piece even if they did.

So be a pioneer. Go out and search. And have as much fun along the way as you can. You don't have to go around the world - You can do it in your hometown, right where you're at.

And, by you going out to find more pieces of your puzzle, you inspire me to do the same. And we leave the world a little better because we did so.

We fought our battles. Persevered in the despair. Stayed true to our path and developed strength in the pursuit.

Strength that we can freely give to others.

Always chasing the light at the end of the tunnel... Knowing damn well we might never catch it.

Start solving yours today so you can help me solve mine tomorrow.

I used to hate that I was sensitive and tried to kill it in any way I could.

Growing up, I was always sensitive. Always soft. Always emotional.

To me, it was normal… I thought that was how people were supposed to act. I didn’t know anything different.

But then, I went to school and started trying to make friends and I quickly saw that being so sensitive was going to be a problem. All the popular kids had the ego, the braun, the aggression. I didn’t necessarily want all of that but I did want to fit in somewhere and make some friends so I tried to toughen myself up as quickly as possible. I hid my feelings. I copied their braun. I smoked weed and drank because they did. I did everything I could to hide that soft heart within.

Inside, I was a personal wreck during all of this.

None of it was me but I made all these friends by acting like it was so, now, I was surrounded by people who had no clue who I actually was.

I did this all the way through college. The only times I would feel peace within myself was when I would go on a long hike by myself or was with family, who knew who I really was. (This is a big reason I still like my alone time and to disappear into nature or on the road).

Then, one day, my whole life got flipped upside down and there was no where left to hide. I didn't know how to talk to anyone about what I was feeling.

So I just ran.

Out into the wild with no direction. But I didn’t care because, out there, at least I could fully be myself again. There was no reason to be anyone else when I would meet all these strangers. (Actually, as many of you know, I was so scared in the beginning that I wrote a script and tried to be someone else but it failed miserably. No one trusted it or felt it was genuine. So I dropped the bullshit and put my heart out there. Something I had been hiding from for most of my life.)

With this vulnerability, every single stranger had a chance to use it against me. To see me as soft and judge me for being so. To confirm these fears I had always told myself.

I lowered my shield, opened my heart and closed my eyes, waiting for the consequence.

But, when I opened them again, I saw the whole world did the same, once they saw me do it first. I opened my eyes to everyone having their shields lowered and wearing their hearts on their sleeves. And they told me, without ever actually saying the words, that they have been waiting for someone to show them it was safe to do the same.

We had real conversations. We actually connected. Instantly. We dug in deep roots. We told each other the truth.

And felt rejuvenated by knowing we could just be ourselves.

So I came back with a fierce decision to do the same with friends and family. I deleted all of the social media and decided to fearlessly put myself out there, in person, to see what kind of relationships I could grow from that. And, as I kept true to that fierce authenticity (the same thing I wanted everyone else to be with me too) something really incredible happened.

I started to build deeper friendships all around me. Friendships where, from day one, we were always able to be ourselves. To lower the shield and take the mask off. You were a man and wanted to talk about feelings? Me too. You needed to cry? The emotion would just unfold naturally. There's going to be a time when I need to do the same. I dug in deep, unshakable roots with friends all the time who truly saw me, as I truly saw them too. And those relationships became a sanctuary for both of us. A refuge from the world.

Growing up, I used to hate that I was sensitive. I did every single thing I could to try and kill this part of me. But, as I tried to kill a natural part of me, I was dying right along with it. And I was so desperate to fit in somewhere that I didn’t even notice. Until one day, the whole world was flipped upside down and I saw that no one could help because they didn’t even know who I was. These are the moments I was suicidal. It was a horrifying and lonely feeling.

I will always be thankful I gave myself one last chance to go out and find the truth. To just see what would happen if I went out into the world to be unapologetically myself.

I expected the world to criticize me, ridicule me, leave me alone again. So then, at least I could have more resolve in such a final decision.

But it didn’t. The world met me in the middle and wrapped me in it’s embrace.

21 countries. Thousands of strangers. 90% 3rd world countries. No plans. Pure spontaneity.

When you allow people to be themselves, there’s no room for the bullshit.

And that makes life a lot simpler to just be.

I hope to inspire you all to go out and do the same. The world needs your heart now, more than ever.

See you out there.

Just get up and go.

Many of you know that I love just getting in my car and going.

No direction, no clue where - Just going. I have been doing it since I was 16 years old and I first got my drivers license and spent a long, long time on the road... searching for nothing and everything at the same time. And it helped me create a life I could have never dreamed of - And you can do the same.

So I wanted to write a word for the aspiring artists out there.

The thinkers, the dreamers, the photographers and musicians, the writers. Those with something to say but have no clue how to make a life out of it.

You need to do the same. I did not become an artist because I was born with some talent that anyone else wasn't. I didn't go to school for photography. I never had any money. I saved up the money for my first camera when I was waiting tables at a restaurant.

I became an artist because I put myself in all of these aesthetic and new experiences to see what it would bring out of me.

That's it.

I put myself in as many new and interesting places as I could, with no goal in mind, just to see what it would bring out of me. I was a landscape photographer when I used to sleep in parks and on the beach. I became a portrait photographer when I got curious about cities and people. Who knows what I will evolve into next.

And I became a writer just to make sense of all these new experiences and try to grow in my thinking, as well as my personal life.

That's it. You have every single tool that I do, I promise you. Those dreams you have? They're out there. But they are not going to come to you while you're staring at a screen or busy in routines. And, even if they did, you're not going to be able to hear and make sense of them until you quiet the noise and tune in the antenna.

And what do you do when you finally found something that inspires you? Pursue it. Follow it. See what you can create with it. See what comes out of you.

There is ABSOLUTELY no right or wrong during this process. Just create what you are feeling inspired to create there.

Then let it out there for the world to see and let go of the rest. It is not your job to please the world with your art. That's not the goal and has never been. It's your job to create something unique, something pure to you, and let it out there for us all to notice.

This is the path towards a fulfilled life. Now, get out there and find it.

The time of year when I hit the reset button.

This is the time of the year when I hit the reset button. The time when I just get in my car with as little as possible and just go - In search of nothing and everything at the same time. No direction or destination in mind, just trusting I will end up right where I need to be.

I've always loved the road because it is the place that’s feels the most like home. A place where I can free my emotions and think. Create. Dream. Write. Grow. But, to do this, I have to leave all of my comforts and routines behind and surrender completely to the spontaneity of the world. For the road will always surprise you, if you're truly paying attention.

And you can never drive down the same road twice. You’re different every time you do, if you’re growing like you should be.

The road to me is home because it is where I first found myself. It was my sanctuary in the midst of chaos. In my early 20's, I was graduating college and going through a breakup and felt completely lost and broken. I didn't know what to do so I just ran.

No money.

No job.

No direction.

No phone.

No laptop.

Nowhere to sleep.

Nowhere to go.

Just running so I could think and figure out what the hell just happened.

I was more vulnerable than I had ever been. I had left a safe home to throw myself into the mercy of the world. I pushed off from the island I was on in search of one with more water and food.

I was absolutely terrified. I cried. I dreamt. I searched. I didn’t even know what for. But I felt somewhere inside of me that there was something I would find out there. Something I knew my heart was desperately needing.

And, it was on that journey that I got to know myself at a deeper level than ever before, that allowed me to have the life I have today.

This is the trip where I found my love for strangers. For, when I had absolutely nothing, the world humbled me and taught me that, if I needed help, I was going to have to learn to ask for it.

I resisted. I held on to my pride. But finally, I needed it so I asked. And, when I did, the world gave me everything. And I needed it more often than I’d like myself to admit.

(This is why all I want to do now is give back to the world that gave me everything first.)

I was shown, in every moment I asked, that people are there to share in your life, If you just first ask. And the thing I needed more than anything else was connection. I didn't mind sleeping in the dirt or in a grocery store parking lot - But I didn't like feeling like I was all alone out there.

Every bit as importantly, I was shown how little I truly needed to be happy. That all those comforts we always give ourselves just slow down our growth. The growth we need to always be undergoing if we’re going to make the most out of this one opportunity in life.

That we simply must develop our fortitude. Our foundation. Our clarity. So we can dream without fear.

These are the journeys that stoke the fire and illuminates the path so we can see the way forward. For, it’s out there, somewhere, and the journey there is always far better than the destination.

I remember writing, as my life started to get more comfortable after this trip:

“When I had $10 to my name and I made $10, it meant everything to me.

When I had $100 to my name and made $100, it meant everything to me.

But, when I had $1,000 and I made $1,000, it meant nothing to me.”

Be open. Try your best. Give back to the world as much as you possibly can. Not with your money but with your heart. Your hands. Your heart. Your mind. Because you need it, every bit as much as they do. And what you give today, you will always get back tomorrow... and the journey can be just a little smoother as you go.

A year from now, you'll wish you started today.

Stay searching. I’ll see you out there.

10 years ago, I was homeless.

10 years ago, I was homeless. Living out of the backseat of my car, eating ramen noodles on the side of the road. No money. No job. No camera.

And it was some of the best years of my entire life.

Let me explain.

Growing up in the Midwest, I had this burning in my soul that I just had to figure out. I was dreaming of the West Coast but never really had money so, as soon as I saved up a few hundred dollars, I figured that was enough to head West. I had no real plan other than trying to make it to Los Angeles and finding a job there. When I was in Fort Collins, Colorado, I only had $300 left and I told my friend there that I was going to head back to St. Louis to save up more money. He told me 'Adam, if you go home, you already know what life will be like. But, if you head West, that is the point of no return - You won't have enough money to even make it back home. And that's where all of your life will be.'

He was right. I headed West and quickly ran out of money because of gas. I remember being in Reno, Nevada with only $32 to my name and no fall back plan. No job or way to make money.

This time in my life made everything else so simple. And taught me some of the greatest lessons I could ever ask for.

1. How little money I truly need to be content and happy. At this time, I would allow myself to spend only $5/day on everything - Gas, food, water, etc. Out of that $5, I would let myself spend $1 on an indulgence - to just have something to look forward to. I would usually get a $1 can of Dr. Pepper and, to this day, I have never found anything that tasted as good as that can of soda did. When you can find real joy in things so basic, it makes everything simple from there. Money became a tool - Nothing less, nothing more.

2. During this time, I simply HAD to ask for help from the world around me. And I can honestly say - Everyone helped, every single time. No matter where I was. It deeply ingrained in me this very real understanding that the world was full of wonderful people, happy to help if you just ask. Because of this lesson, all I have wanted to do since was give as much back to the world. Because, when I had nothing, the world gave me everything. It has completely shifted the way I talk to other travelers, homeless and the vulnerable.

I got a job on a farm and saved up $300, enough to let me make it to LA. When I got to LA, I only had $27 to my name and started from there. My sister made me a chicken quesadilla and it was the first meat I had eaten in over a month. I applied at jobs every single day until I finally got a restaurant job and saved up enough money to get my own apartment.

I'll never forget that first night, I laid on the floor for hours, just staring at the ceiling and running my hands over the carpet. I had no furniture and no bed but it didn't matter, I felt like a king because I finally had a roof over my head again.

I have never looked back once since.

I built the life I have today on the firm foundation of these very basic lessons. Success has been easy from there. Making money has been very simple from there. It's helped me notice the people that truly need help, and to be able to ask for it when I do also. It gave me the self awareness that I operate with today, allowing me to truly be myself with the relationships in my life. It taught me intuition, communication and perspective.

When you combine:

1. Knowing how little you need to be happy + money being a tool.

2. The world is there to help, if you just ask when you need it. And that there is magic in giving as much as you can.

3. Knowing that you are capable of far more than you could ever imagine. And if you just take that scary step into the void, you will see that it was all just a mirage.

Life gets pretty simple from there. Gratitude is a beautiful thing.

How to build the deepest relationships possible?

I will teach you one of the simplest ways to deepen and protect the relationships in your life.

Do not ever, under any circumstances, flake on the day of a commitment you made.

Ever.

Barring an actual emergency or act of God, do not ever do it. Not even once.

Woke up feeling tired? Still arrive at the time you said you would.

Hungover? Still show up at the time you said you would.

Nervous? Scared? Still show up at the time you said you would.

Something better came up? Oh well, still be there at the right time.

If you absolutely need to re-schedule, call that person. Talk to them. Do not just send a text message.

There is a new epidemic of people being so hard to be dependable on commitments they have made and it's destroying relationships. Flaking is what kids do, when they don't yet know the ramifications of acting like that.

You're not a kid. You're an adult.

It is absolutely critical that your friends know that they can depend on you. That you will do what you said you would do... And there can never be a crack in that. If your friends know they can depend on you, you will immediately become one of the closest relationships in their lives and the roots will continue to deepen.

How do you avoid over-committing?

Boundaries are sexy.

Be truthful with yourself and the other person.

If you need to reschedule, do it with plenty of time... Do not do it last minute. And again, do it by calling that person.

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

We all want the relationships in our lives that we can really trust. Be that person for yourself and for others and you will always attract the same level of maturity and strength in those that are around you.

Do you know why I love to spend time with the homeless when I travel?

Do you know why the homeless are always my favorite people to spend time with when I travel?

They have struggled so they have real stories to tell... Many which are some of the most inspiring and valiant ones from each city I visit.

They’re incredibly self aware and intuitive.

They give more to strangers than most rich people I know.

You can see the wars they have fought on their faces - In the deep wrinkles and scars that riddle them - And they will tell you about them if you genuinely ask.

They’re not just sitting there staring at their phones. They’re moving. They’re talking. They're paying attention.

They have realistic expectations on what it takes to find true happiness.

They’re on a LOT less drugs than most people I see with TikTok addictions and large social media followings.

In our conversations they’re present. They have nowhere else to be. So, the conversations are balanced - They always ask me how I am doing and genuinely mean it when they do.

They remind you how to be human. They remind you on the most important parts of life, almost all of which we take for granted every single day.

In my opinion, they are some of the purest forms of humanity that you will find in this country. Good luck finding people more vulnerable. More authentic. More real. And they don’t hide it from you or lie about it. There’s no passive aggression. There’s no time for that.

They will give you the last bottle of water they have on them if you ask for it (If you don’t believe that, go out and see for yourself. I guarantee it.) because they really know what it is like to struggle and they don’t want others to go through that same pain.

They are the ones that teach me how to genuinely be happy. How to be grateful. How to be content.

They remind me how to be human.

You know who I am inspired by?

You know who I am inspired by?

It’s not the celebrities that stand in the spotlight, yet do not notice the ones in the shadows. It’s not the wealthy, who seem to have it all but don’t notice that the most valuable things they have didn’t cost a single thing. It’s not the ones with huge social media followings but lack the courage to tell the world who they really are.

I’m most inspired by the ones at the gym at 6:30 in the morning, not telling a single person that they we’re going. By the lady in yoga, in her 80’s, refusing to let her age tell her to slow down. The man or woman that had their heart broken but chooses to love vulnerably again. The ones that stop for a conversation, even if their schedule has no flexibility at all. By the ones that do incredible things but don’t photograph it and don’t post about it on social media. In fact, the most interesting ones I’ve met never tell a single soul… They don’t need to. Im inspired by the ones that let their hearts burn for those around them, regardless of how much they get back in return. By those who love without expectation. The ones that give more than they have. The ones that listen more than they talk.

Those are the ones that get it. And the contentment that their actions bring foster enough fulfillment to never need the validation of others. For they know full well that when you give, you always get more in return than you could have ever expected.

For those that are out there, I see you. Thank you for the inspiration.

Finally ready to love for the right reasons.

The beautiful thing about finally being in a spot where I’m ready for love is:

I have searched the whole world for a way to find myself. I’ve found what I love, what gives me purpose, what inspires me and, most importantly of all, I found myself.

So that I can love with a true heart, without fear, for the right reasons.

But to do that, I had to first feel like I deserved that. And when you come from a low place in your life, it is a lot of self-work to get to a place where you feel that.

But when you do, it’s the most beautiful thing of all and allows you to be calm, honest and strong in the face of love.

Why am I so optimistic?

I have a lot of people that think I am so optimistic/positive because I have traveled the world and found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. That, somewhere out there, I have found the meaning of my life and how to make sense of something that makes no sense at all.

But that's not true. I actually have no clue what I'm doing and never have. And I certainly haven't actually found anything at all that I didn't have within me the whole time.

Let me explain.

It took me half of my lifetime, of chasing dreams and purpose anywhere around the world that I could possibly find it. It took me asking ten thousand questions to ten thousand people to find what I know today.

And here it is. Here's the reason I am so optimistic.

I have found that truly nothing does make sense.

No one has a single clue what they're doing and everyone is trying to find peace with the uncertainty. A lot of that will be found in people having their own family, which immediately makes life make sense because it's not about them anymore. More so over the last couple years, people are more vulnerable than ever and these fears can create insecurity - So give them forgiveness for that.

Because nothing does make sense and no one truly does know what they're doing - It allowed me to throw away the rule book and write my own.

Here's what's in my rule book so far:

First, give yourself the time to truly find out who you are. By yourself. On your own. Have fun with it. Work through the stuff hidden underneath - We ALL have it - And if you don't give yourself the time to work through what's underneath, it will 100% negatively affect you until the day you die. But, when you turn and face it, you find out you are much stronger than you thought... And, even better, you will also find that almost all of those fears were just a mirage. If not all of them. (Write as much as you can during all of this)

Once you know yourself, you can be genuine. Be fiercely authentic. Be fearlessly yourself. No one is judging you for being yourself - In fact, it inspires them to be more like the person they want to be. How do you judge someone that is genuine? To do so would only be an insecurity and that makes it very easy to deal with.

As a part of being genuine, GIVE with no expectations of any return. Tell your friends you love them every time you talk. Call your parents for long conversations, even if you have no clue what to talk about. Tell that girl or guy how you really feel about them and put your heart on the line - Life is stupidly short for anything else - And let go of the rest (Yes, this can be easier said than done at times).

Be clear and intentional with your words.

Show affection. Give affection.

Tell people who are close to you what you're thinking and truly listen to them when they do the same. Learn together. Grow together. Be together.

Then, just get out there and just live. Take care of your body and mind as much as you physically can - You need ALL of it to be in as good of shape as possible. Explore. Be curious as hell. Take a hike with your notepad and don't tell a single person. Take lots of chances and fail at all of them... Until you don't anymore. Be good to one another - Even if it's not returned to you. (And, as a part of this, do not tolerate anyone in your life who disrespects you or your heart).

Tell your friends when you need them to listen. And listen to them when they do the same.

Shut off the distractions. Get off the drugs.

Life is more beautiful than I can put into words because of all these things mentioned above and all you have to do is see it for yourself.

I'm sorry to say it but there is no light at the end of the tunnel. There's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But, when you live like this, you realized you were already there the whole time - You were born in the pot of gold and all you have to do is notice whats already around you to see that.

Pour your heart into the world. We all need it. I promise you one thing more than anything else - You will ALWAYS get it back and so much more in return.

Give us that heart.

Love you all.

Fear.

You might have fear. Fear of dying. Fear of rejection. Fear of fear itself. Fear is a valid tool, as a part of our evolution, to ensure we still moved forward as a species. 

But, if you truly live, fear of dying cannot exist. For if that fear did not exist, if death was not a possibility, then truly living in spite of that would not be worth it. 

The more comfortable I get, the more I fall asleep.

What I am really trying to show here is - The more comfortable my life gets, the more I fall apart because, like most people - If I am not doing what gives me purpose, if I am sitting in a dim comfortable room outside of the sunlight, I go to sleep.

Emotionally, mentally, creatively. When that happens, I get more and more depressed until I hit a wall and say fuck it. I get the fuck out and start to move and become alive again.

That’s why I said: ‘As long as I never sit still, I can never die.’

Soft, golden mornings.

I wake up in the morning to soft, golden light pouring through my window. No alarm. No noise. No rush. The light wakes me up the same way a gentle touch would by someone I loved. It’s kind. It tells me, without saying a word, that today will be good. I move slowly, as theres no time that even matters. Theres not one person in the world that could find me and that blankets me with a sense of calm that is indescribable. So much of what I am trying to do now has to have that sense of peace because the inspiration I am looking for everyday. Can only be found by not looking for it. Only by being in that one pure, singular moment where a clear thought might gently brush across your cheek. For just one quick moment. If I am distracted, I will never notice it. And, if my mind is busy, then ill swat it away when I feels it’s gentle touch. Only by sitting there without a single place to be will that thought join me.

So that’s what im doing. Just doing nothing. At this pone, perfect moment in my strange and beautiful life. The greatest gift I can give to myself and to the world is to create from this stillness and theres no bottom to that process there. After stepping away from social media and technology, I find there is unlimited color that has been hiding just below the surface. For years, when that color would start to break the surface and show its beauty, I would pull out a phone and immerse myself in the black and white world of distraction. By doing that, I lost my heart, I got depressed and I lost all sense of purpose. By letting that color back in, I was given the gift of being myself again. With all of the beautiful imperfections and magic my heart holds inside of it. I don’t have to think about how to share my love with the world - I just burn, with every person I am lucky enough to meet. And they burn with me, every single time. 

The world is not looking for anyone making another instagram post or taking another selfie. They are desperately looking for someone to just talk with. To connect with. To just be human with.

By being myself, to myself, I get to remember what I truly need to be happy. To be grateful. To share love to myself and others. To ask myself and others for what I truly need to feel I’ve lived a life fulfilled. And most of all, I can truly listen to the world for what they need the most and maybe, just maybe, I can give it to them and start a chain reaction of compassion. So we. Can all do our part in alleviating the weight of the world together.

Big Sur.

Big Sur.

These places where I used to illegally sleep in their parking lots. Where I used to wait until dark and then hike through a river to an island to pitch a tent and sleep. When I was living on only $5. A day. $1 a day on indulgence. I was homeless and had nowhere else to go.

These places now give me their best possible cabins to sleep in for free. They pay for all the food, food that I would never have been able to afford just a short time ago. 

All so I will just come and photograph what I see.

Only whatever I feel inspired to. They don’t tell me anything.

They just give me everything I need to be able to create.

And it’s quite a strange feeling.

My first morning being home after this last trip.

The reason you travel? To be a better human. And there are so many ways to do that but let me give you one that struck me this morning, on my first morning being home.

I wake up in my warm bed, with nowhere to be. In silence. In a place I am allowed to be as long as I would like to. I get up and make my own coffee. I pet my cats. It feels like a drug - This rest having been earned. I walk across the street to the grocery store and I buy stuff for breakfast and half and half. I go home and make another cup of coffee.

The simplest things possible. The things that make up my daily routine for a lot of the year. But because I haven’t had them in so long - I am filled with a grateful sense of enjoyment for each and every one of them. I actually stop and think about them as I do them. I walk into the grocery store - Realizing I can buy anything I want in this store to have whatever kind of day I would like to - And I feel blessed. The coffee tastes better. The couch feels more comfortable. The air smells sweeter. The shower feels hotter. Everything about this makes me feel grateful - For the simplest things that I far too often take for granted.

That’s it. That’s everything. That sums up one more component on why you travel and why you leave your comfort zone. My grandma always had a sign on her refrigerator that said ‘Happiness is not getting what you want. It’s wanting what you have.’ And I get it. I don’t need anything at all. Not one single thing more than what I have right now and I can feel it in my core and it’s that feeling right there that I wish everyone could feel just once. 

Getting home after this last trip.

I just walked into my home after 28 days in Europe, on the road. And dear God did I get the life sucked out of me the moment that door closed behind me.

A million memories came right back to me. Of sitting here before, so scared, when I couldn’t even move before. When I was paralyzed by fear, by indecision, by procrastination.

Now, I come home like a warrior coming back from battle. But, for now at least, it feels like all of it was just a dream. There’s no way all those memories happened. Maybe I just fell asleep and woke up just a few minutes ago, imagining all these moments before.

-

But, for now, I wake up, on my first morning after being home from Europe, and I feel this bliss. The bliss of the first morning being home. My warm bed. My cats. Silent mornings. Peace. Nowhere to be. Home.

I feel all these beautiful, blissful feelings and it shows me something very important that I learned over this last month. What depression is to me and how to avoid it. Depression is too much routine. Too much of letting my brain fall asleep in monotony. Lack of social experiences and being around people for too long. Lack of creativity and lack of inspiration. 

Just sitting and waiting for something to happen is the worst place I can be in. 

I can’t be here too long - By myself at least, and I know that - But I can truly cherish and enjoy this rest as long as its been deserved. But discipline will be crucial.

Here's the deal. I always thought I was going to die young.

Look, here’s the deal. I’ve always thought I was going to die young. Now, I don’t know if I thought I was going to die early because of me falling off a cliff, getting hit by a train or something crazy like that. Or something more normal like a heart attack, with my weird crazy heart. Maybe this is a reason why I don’t let these girls get close to me, or anyone for that matter, because ive always felt like that.

But regardless, its why I make sure I live 1,000 lifetimes as early as I physically can. Its why I burn down every possible dream and chase it as far into the sunset as physically possible. Its why I will not tolerate a no - How the fuck could you care about a no, in the face of death? It’s worthless. It’s a game. It just makes me go after my dreams harder, faster. 

It does certainly put a bit of an expediency to my timeline and something I feel. Again, whether this is completely false and just something I tell myself or if there’s some logic to it - I guess we’ll never know until that time truly comes. But, in the mean time, Im going 120 miles an hour in a 25 mph school zone. I’m past the gatekeeper so ridiculously fast that they don’t have the time to question what im doing. Im seeing things as often as possible, that people keep on their bucket list for far too long. I’m creating with every beat of blood that my heart can push out. Tired, scared, uncertain - I’m creating during all of it. I’ve written more in the last 6 months than I have in the last 10 years. The only thing that can possibly get me to sit still for a moment is if I smoke pot and im such a crazy son of a bitch that, knowing that, I left all of it at home for this entire month.

Im burning. Im burning. 

Whether I live until im 100 or I die when im 40, I’m doing everything I can to make sure I leave the world better for my time being here. 

I’m doing everything I can to make sure I can never die.

There are many times this project strips me to my core.

It breaks me down. Burns me to the ashes. Leaves me wondering what the hell I am doing. How I could take this any farther. When any of this will make sense.

When it does, I keep this poem written with me. A classic that, in my opinion, is the only way to truly live:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas - 1914-1953

My first experience in the world by myself. Where I first learned the beauty of humanity. In Poland.

About 12 years ago, I was fortunate enough to get an opportunity to go to Poland to teach English. It was my first real chance to experience the world on my own and I was ecstatic (and terrified) to go. 

I had absolutely no clue what to expect. I was a dumb kid at the time, more interested in partying and chasing girls than real relationships and experience. It was a small village called Zgierz, near the birthplace of Chopin, a long ways down the train tracks. I was coming from the comfortable suburbs in America and had never been to a place so simple. 

But I will never forget how much it taught me humanity. Humility. Compassion. Hospitality. 

We were from different worlds and they treated me like I was a member of their own family. The parents were so grateful that we were teaching their children English (many of them could not speak it themselves), that they would bring us roses to thank us. The kids would never let the pencils we gave them out of their sight, not leaving any possibility of not learning as much as possible as they could. I gave one of the students a frisbee and he would sit on it everyday so that he would never lose it and so that no one would ever possibly take it. 

They gave me a place to stay. Cooked every single meal (as well as afternoon cookies and tea of course!) and wiped be offended if I even offered to do the dishes as a thank you. My translator finally told me ‘We have a saying in Poland - If you have a guest in your home, it is if you have a god in your home.’

When I was leaving, the whole village brought me food to go, walked me to the train station and then insisted on paying for my train tickets.

Throughout the entire time I was there, not a single penny was exchanged.

(Oh and, when leaving, Anna asked for my address and mailed me a hand drawn portrait she had made of me).