Who hurt these girls?

Who hurt these girls?

The ones that wear all black. The ones that don’t look at you when you talk. The ones that will never let you see them without makeup. That hide their smile from the world.

The ones that don’t look up at the light when it shines.

Who hurt these girls? And told them they were supposed to stand in the shadows? That they weren’t as beautiful as they are.

Who shattered their thin veil of trust? The innocence we all deserve to have.

Whoever hurt them should know the boundless love they selfishly stole from their hearts. And from the men who would have forever been grateful to receive it.

You should know how much love you took out of the world with your insecurity.

And that it has truly made the world a darker place.

A realization that sparked this new chapter in my life.

A few months ago, I was climbing a mountain and relishing in the beauty around me as I did.

It was overwhelming how alive I felt in that moment. I wanted to capture it. I wanted to bottle it. I wanted some way to be able to properly articulate the magic I was feeling. But I knew that there was nothing that could do it justice. No photograph. Not even words. You had to be there with me to understand it.

I sat there and thought about this for a little while.

And I realized that, the people that are out there really living grand adventures do not do it to show anybody what they’re doing. They know that they can’t. They can’t bottle of the grandeur of what they’re experiencing. They don’t climb that mountain to take a picture and post it. They probably don’t even have a camera or phone on them while they do.

They climb the mountains and live that adventure for them.

For the light it stokes in their soul, that breeds contentment in their life.

They don’t have any desire to do anything to take away from the present grandeur they are immersed in during that experience. You will likely never know about them or what they do.

And they could care less.

I can't stop thinking about my poker dealer yesterday.

This morning, I sat down to my World Series poker table and said hello to my dealer, DJ. Like most of the dealers there, she was not from America and was very quiet spoken. I normally try to illuminate a little laugh from them by getting to know them and asking about their country and their life outside of this.

But DJ was a little different.

There was absolutely no life behind her eyes. There was no spark. There was nothing left.

Her flame has long been extinguished by the realities and shattered expectations of the world. Her gaze is steel and nothing at all except pale blue colors. Chinese. Overworked. Under-appreciated. Undervalued. Here to work, not here to live. 

But here’s the thing - She is stop-you-in-your-tracks, shut the hell up, beyond belief GORGEOUS. It’s very easy to tell that, behind the brutally tired eyes and the black tattered hair, there is a girl in there that could have maybe been a supermodel, laying in the warmth and the colors, being catered to if she wanted to. Maybe married to the rich, drinking mimosas in bed on Saturday mornings, not a care in the world.

You can see it in her eyes, what she would look like with a smile. If that spark was still there. If there was still something to see.

And I can’t stop looking at her and thinking about that. I’m not even trying to.

My brain keep auto-piloting back to her, making eye contact with her. To just try and lock a gaze, for just one single second in time, to maybe give her a glimmer of life. To see one single spark that might be left behind the mountains of dust thats already settled. To light it on fire and watch it burn. 

I want to see what she looks like all dressed up, in the way she feels best.

Her hair done and her in a red dress, full of possibility and wonder.

I want to hear what her life is like at home, what her favorite color is, what she dreams about at night.

I want to see her laugh across a dinner, drinking champagne and letting reality melt away through each moment.

But she never makes eye contact.

There’s nothing there. There’s nothing left.

Her stare goes behind all of us at the table, into the walls and below the carpets. It goes nowhere because there is nothing there anymore.

(Picture is not DJ by the way!)

Paying attention to time.

One of the positives about my life and how I spend it now, after social media, is that I am aware of my time. At least now, I am aware of the time I waste. The time I am not doing what I could be doing. I think that’s always a persistent quality with a lot of people but now, if I can first be aware of it, I can be uncomfortable enough to do something about it. 

When I was on social media all the time, whenever I would have that uncomfortable feeling, I would pull out the dopamine and squash that feeling of discontent.  And then, I would waste insane amounts of time, hours a day, staring at things I would never remember. 

But now, I am at least vividly aware of the time that is wasted. And vividly aware of what I could have done about it.

Awareness is always the first step so hopefully, with that awareness, a more clarified productivity moves forward.

The other side of this coin also is that, now that I’m not wasting hours everyday staring at a phone, I actually do have an insane amount of free time available to me. So I can spend a portion of that on myself - Reading books in bed, laying in a bathtub and dreaming, climbing mountains and getting sunburnt, etc. - And still have enough time left over to finish what I need to.

Reflections after just finishing 'On The Road' and resonating so much with Dean.

I just finished ‘On The Road’. And I have so many wonderful and warm feelings about the book and how it was written almost 70 YEARS AGO - But that I can resonate with everything in it.

See, the entire story is really just about bumming around the country, with no plans and most of the time no money, and the life that comes from those simple experiences. Sal is a writer and he is doing everything he can to find inspiration for his writing so he figured he would find a lot of it in the chaos and spontaneity of the outside world. He just had to have it. He had to force himself to be as low, as close, to the earth as possible when he felt these things, so that he could draw as much inspiration out of it when he feels it. Most of the story, he had no money but was chasing a character that was an ideal of who he wished he was. 

Dean.

Dean was untethered, uninhibited, selfishly and ruthlessly out living his entire life to the absolute fullest. Zero rules. Zero principles. Zero attachments. And I really mean zero. Wife? Kids? Best friends? They were all a necessary part of the story but they were not going to be able to ever stand in his way. And if they tried to, he went anyways. And they just waited for him to come back because they desperately wanted the blood that coursed through his veins. The life that burned through his soul. 

So he would just go. He would just move and put himself in a place anywhere where he would be wide awake and pay attention. Then, he would have to go out and dig everything he could. He wanted to smell every smell that emanated from the world around him. He wanted to hear the music and follow it into the basements to just gaze in wonder at the musicians for the entire night. He would sleep on park benches, dusty fields, ratty railroad cars, beds he wooed himself into… Anything. Sleep was never the thing he was actively thinking about. It was life. And only life spent fully awake that he was in the pursuit of and sleep came only as a necessity. A dire necessity that he would only pay attention to if he absolutely needed to, after spending every bit of energy on the world around him first.

You saw some of the dangers of wanderlust through Dean. He wanted love and he wanted family. But he wanted them only as far as that they were there for him when he was done exploring. And, as a fault of his very vivid curiosity, he also enjoyed the process of falling in love and did it multiple times. He had three wives, twice divorced, and had kids in San Francisco and New York with different girls. Real responsibility that grew out of the romantic nights he melted into when they happened. Real life events reminding him that there are physical repercussions to the constant experience of life.

But even though he saw the children and loved the wives, there was nothing ever going to stand in front of his love for the world around him. He simply had to see more. He simply had to feel more. There was nothing, anywhere, that was too simple or far away for him to want to experience it. If the adrenaline was wearing off, Dean would find himself drinking whiskey in rough saloons and stealing a car to get home. 

But one very evident fault of Dean was his selfishness. He just could not step outside of only what he wanted to do and when he wanted to do it. So yes, people wanted to spend time with him and girls wanted to love him but he was always alone in his final decisions. Always. As only a fault of his own maturity and respect for the characters around him. He didn’t seem to care about this but I am sure there are many lonely and ragged nights spent in his thoughts and questioning his sanity. Many. I think. Maybe not. Who will ever know?

And Sal (the writer of the book) was someone that was just itching to live. Like many other people, he burned to spend time with Dean because he was so attracted to the life that poured out of him. Regardless of how many times Dean burned him or showed his worthiness as an actual friend, Sal was always up for another adventure with Dean. Another day of just watching him interact with the stimulus of the natural world and see what comes from that. He was deeply inspired by Sal, enough to make his entire career off of books about their experiences together, and his soul surely died a little bit when he was in between their adventures. 

I can read this book and feel so closely connected to both of these characters. So much of me, right now, is Dean. I am doing everything I can, anytime I can, to just throw myself into the experience of the world around me and apologize for nothing. My job now is to experience. Experience the world, smell its smells, listen to its music and create everything I can from those observations. And I am. I wish people even fully knew how much experience I throw at myself to see what is created from it.

I can climb mountains and swim in the ocean anytime I want. Sleep under the indigo skies with a fire crackling next to me and see what thoughts dance through my mind.

I go out into the world to live a movie every single day.

I can fall in love today. And I can throw it all away today. I don’t have to live by any rules at all, only the ones that I think are correct. I write love letters with an inky pen and candle flickering. I can understand my thoughts and even like them. When I write now, I don’t even know what will come out until the word forms itself on my notepad - For the thoughts are coming out that purely and I rarely feel the need to edit. I believe and respect what I have to say. I sleep and rest my physical body until I feel rejuvenated. I wake up and drink coffee until my thoughts wake up with me. And then I just sit there and write - People moving all around me but no one messing with me until I am done writing. I can get a picture and story from almost every single person that I have the desire to hear their heart. The world trusts me and opens up to me every time I interact with it. But the world also allows me my creativity and individualism and lets me have my space until it’s too much. 

The world just waits.

So, for now, I give gratitude for the freedom and time I am given from the world and try my absolute best to create gold with the ashes I sift through.

Because I can promise you one thing - There is no ego to any of this.

A lot of it is actually pretty uncomfortable and I am not entirely sure why I have been given such a grand and free life. You’re not supposed to have everything you need and want. You’re supposed to live by some rules. You’re supposed to have some kind of routine.
Actually, if I’ve learned anything new during all of this, it’s that pure freedom actually lies in discipline

But I do promise you this - I am committed to using it to the fullest to share the light with the world around me. In any possible way, to alleviate the suffering of each and every person I can. And to hopefully inspire others to burn every bit as brightly.

30 minutes inside a laundromat, in a tough neighborhood in Vegas.

I decided I wanted to wash my hoody so I had to find a laundromat. I kept my camera on me and left everything else in the room.

I find one in the hood, on the outskirts and fringes of the city, and I head that direction. The whole place is full of incredible, soft light and dark shadows. I see the photographs immediately. They’re difficult. Complicated. I’m the minority here and I’ll have to earn trust immediately, every single time.

I photograph people inside and out. I don’t get a single rejection. Marques with his pistol on his waist. Chef. Catering. Worked in the restaurant business with the grime and learned by observation. Saw everyone else making money and he wanted to also. 

Nikez and Kaylee, maybe the hardest pictures possible, of two girls - One being very young (Kaylee - She was 8 or 9 years old). That trust is impossible to get. Photographing a child, in a strange place, in a messy part of a big city. When everyone is on alert and it’s better to keep your head down and ignore the world around you. I asked for permission from both of them, especially Kaylee. They both smiled and said yes.

NHS Baggs, a hip hop artist, who looked tough and minded his own business. I asked for his photograph, he slowly nodded, embarrassed, but he kept letting me put him in new places to photograph him. I moved trash cans to the side and made noise in this quiet laundromat.

Marvin outside with the dogs, hustling. Told me a heart felt story about how much he loved his mom, in the shadows of the building outside. 

Then, the finale. Rivette. The girl in all yellow. French braids. Yankees hat. Stunningly beautiful. Outnumbered by tough guys, 10 to 1, she earned her spot on the block with everyone there. They didn’t mess with her. No one hit on her. They respected her as equal and we might never know how she earned that from them.

I walked up to her, comfortable and calm. I looked her in the eyes, she sized me up with every word that came out. Skeptical eyes but they were really listening. For just a second, her mind was open to it. 

But then she shut down and said ‘Youre not getting that from me.’ I told her she would be the only girl outside so far and I had to get it. No choice. I had to get the picture - I already saw it. As the men crowded around to hear what I was talking to her about, she became protective and closed up quickly. I lost the intimacy I needed for her to trust me. She couldn’t lower her walls, not where everyone was listening at least. These streets were tough and vulnerability could get you tested and she wasn’t going to give that a chance. When she locked up, Marvin (with the dogs) saw what was happening and came up to protect me and ease the situation. Now, she felt she had to be tough with me, even though I told her she didn’t need to be. Marvin pulled her aside and said ‘All he’s saying is that you’re fly.’

I never got the photograph. But I thanked her for the time and wished them all well.

All of this was what happens when you give me 30-minutes in the hood.

Plus, one moment I had to get in a Wal-Mart on the way home.

Fuck your job. Fuck your car. Fuck your title.

I want to know - Who are you really?

What do you dream of late at night, when the stars are passing over?

What are your fears and how do you deal with them?

How do you feel when you’re truly being vulnerable?

What do you think happens when you die?

-

When was the last time you were in love and why didn’t it work out?

Do you still think of them?

Keep communication healthy and the rest will work itself out.

Okay. This is long overdue but I am reminded every day how important this lesson is. Even though, most people likely will not change because of it.

You cannot zombie on your phone.

By zombie’ing, I mean, looking at texts and not consistently not responding for long periods of time. Seeing phone calls but ignoring them to keep scrolling on social media. Taking long periods of time to respond to very important emails.

But I think the most important of those is the texting.

If people spend time with you and they notice that you use your phone regularly (a normal amount), then they are very, very aware that you see their texts or phone calls when they send them. Now, there will always be an allowance of time to respond - 1 to 2 hours on important ones - Because life happens and people are sometimes at lunch or drinking a beer in the shower. Fine.

But if you consistently take long periods of time to respond and make dumb excuses like ‘I suck with texting’ ‘I’ve been so busy’ ‘I didn’t see your text when it came through!’ then something very important will always happen.

The people that are actually paying attention, that actually have something to say and are trying to do big things with you in mind, will all pull away from you in time.

They will write to you less. They will call you less.

You are consistently not reciprocating the same level of respect they are trying to give you with communication so they will give up in time and stop thinking of you when opportunity arises.

Your flakiness with communication, as a result of being over-stimulated, will translate into being flaky with relationships. Being flaky with responsibility. And, most dangerous of all, being flaky with commitment.

Relationships will pull away from you and you likely will not even know it because the dopamine is always flowing. But you’ll look up one day and notice a few people are gone - Miles and miles ahead of you in terms of success - Because they were steadily crawling forward and you were just standing still with your head down.

They don’t bring you opportunity anymore. They barely even have a genuine conversation with you, if at all.

The stakes for honesty and transparency in communication really are that high.

For a moment, I almost said no to a grand adventure.

For a second, I overthought making this drive to Vegas. 

Like it was a chore. Like I’m not incredibly blessed to be able to drive across every beautiful season in the mountains. During the fall time. Chasing the snow. Heading towards the desert and warmth. 

Living the grand adventure. And with nothing but time and music to enjoy it with. 

For a second, I questioned if I should make this drive. Like this isn’t splendor. 

There is simply nothing more important than learning how to talk.

There is nothing.

Simply fucking nothing.

That is more important than me learning how to talk.

How to write. How to articulate the person I was,  in a way that was truly authentic to me, which always earned trust and respect. This built relationships that stood out, no matter how high level the person was, or what their age or background was. The art of conversation earned me wisdom from all the people I talked to, making me smarter, faster, quicker. More deliberate. More rational. It made the world this brilliant place of experience, allowing me to interact with it anywhere I wanted to make it an adventure. 

Learning how to communicate is more than just the words also. It is the timing. And the timing really has to be pretty close to perfect. Something I didn’t learn how to do until a thousand fails and rejections, weeding through the pride-sucking moments with clarity and direction. Learning timing combined with the ability to articulate allowed me to break into the highest levels of everything I put myself into. Whether it was being given a 6-figure offer in LA to be an agent, with no experience, resume or internship - To getting television executives who never accept unsolicited submissions and do not have one spare second left in their schedule to watch a 30-minute pilot and send long, in-depth feedback after. Out of respect. 

All of this came from sheer persistence and insanity. Nothing I have ever done with my dreams really made sense. I just would not accept a no for an answer but I would word my follow-up’s in a way that maintained the empathy from their side. Allowing me another chance to at least get more feedback for how to do it better the next time. 

See, I have learned time and time again that people only see how you present yourself. The better you can communicate, the better you can present yourself well. With confidence and sincerity. This simply cannot be slipped up on, as many times there is no coming back once a relationship gets a crack in it. It’s the highest level wording, every single time you reach out with a thought that crosses your mind, and each time has to be perfect. 

Being accountable for the last 12-months of adventure, life and the rollercoaster it's been.

I know that I need to account for these days that I am in.

But if I am honest with myself, I have been in these days for years now - somehow afforded them by the universe to see what comes from my mess. It would have been a very different thing if my messiness had brought my life into shambles, crashing the relationships and ideas I had around me until I was near broke enough to lose my mind. But for some reason, my messiness has continued to make me into the person I am happy to be. And, because of that, my relationship with it is somewhat confusing to me.

On one hand, I feel like I am such a different person. Like I have come into my own and refined and shaped the person I am today through hard work and persistence. And that is very much true. I have kept my head down, focusing consistently on working hard on my project to keep it evolving. To keep it growing. I have chased the ideas I had (well, let’s be honest, I only have time to chase about 10% of the dreams I have) and gone out to do them. The quarantine diaries. The protests. Filming the project. These are no small feats. In the last year, I have assembled a team of deeply dedicated people that support my dream with considerable amounts of their time. In the process, I have inspired, motivated and encouraged a team into helping me create what I can’t even sometimes ask for. Through countless hours of conversation, I have communicated my vision well enough that I can step back and focus on the other parts of my life that are chaotic. Weddings, shoots, relationships… The future. I have had high-level, difficult conversations to gain the trust of people with a lot of experience in this industry - Experience we badly need - All for nothing, except that they want to be a part of this light I am so passionate about. I pitched to Disney and used that rejection to sharpen us into where were at today. I have broken through countless situations to gain wisdom from some of the highest level executives in the field. The ones that could snap their fingers and change all of our lives.

I was a loyal and honest lover in a relationship for quite some time. A year and a half to be exact, complete with one breakup in the middle of it. I communicated as well as I could and molded the parts of me that needed to be, to give our relationship the best possible opportunity. I sat through merciless amounts of thoughts, treading through the weight of what I knew had to happen while trying to find a way out of that realization. I traveled less than ever before so I could leave balance for us to work, even though we ended up not anyways. But I stayed true to myself outside of the relationship, for the first time in my life, which might be my proudest moment of that time.

I booked 16 weddings, handled communication with all of my brides concisely and got all 5-star reviews (so far) from all of them. As well as family shoots, senior shoots and perfect moments with people all over this town in between.

I became a force in Pickleball, climbing to the 4.0 ranks with a lot of work and confidence building. I made a strong relationship (Matt) who worked with me tirelessly to bring me into the next chapter, where now I can beat him at singles. It helped me grow closer to my father by helping me spend more close times with him and father-son building moments in our games. I earned hundreds of hours together with my dad alone, even inspiring him to travel across the country to see me multiple times a year, all because of the skillset I learned with Pickelball. These times I earned with my dad were well thought out, to make the most out of the time I have with him… While there is still lots of time.

I grew Monday Night Dinners (with everyones help) to a size I could have never imagined. We had our 50th Monday Night Dinner this summer, as well as 6 other ones, and had over 140 people come to them. We got new press from the CDA Press and one of the articles I’m most proud of - The Spokesman Review - Helping us grow to an audience that we never could have before. I earned these features through a lot of persistence with the journalists - And earned close relationships with both of them once they came. 

When I went through a breakup, I had this very strong support system to bring me through it - Which was badly needed more than I could have ever known. They brought me through the sadness quick enough that I was able to still enjoy the majority of the summer - Spending the majority of my moments outside, swimming, playing PB, restoring gratitude for the place I live in.

I did Pivot Spokane. A few different podcasts. I climbed a mountain with Teuvo. I rode mopeds in Mexico with my family, as well as taking 4 other trips home to spend multiple weeks relishing in the simple moments. I felt fear that I have never felt before climbing in Index, waking up a deep part of my soul that might never go to sleep again. I renovated my home - Finishing my garage, theater room, back room and bathroom. I took creative trips to Portland to rejuvenate my creative spirit. I lost love. And then I felt the possibility of it coming back. I had the biggest feature of my life, in the Boston Globe, with a lady I just had a deep conversation with. I was there for friends to have deep conversations and help lead them forward - and sometimes, to help them heal from what became before. I got the email that I saved a mans life through my project. And countless other ones from others, reminding me why I cannot go anywhere but forward with this project, to help and grow the impact it could make. I told stories of strangers everywhere from Boulder to St. Louis to Portland to Los Angeles to Seattle to my home town in Coeur d’ Alene. I met Ioan Grillo. I filmed in mainland Mexico.

All in all, with surely some parts being missed, this was the last 12-months I have had. My life has been filled with pure adventure, pure experience… The very essence of being alive in as many moments as I could. None of it was forced. All of it was actually me, with no plans or ideas, just doing exactly what I wanted to do. Every time I followed my path, the light forward was illuminated even more and reminded me that, though the path might be long, I am surely going the right direction. 

But do you want to know how real self-doubt is? '

I sat down to write this morning, planning on doing nothing but explaining the mess I am and allow myself to be. The moment I started writing about my mess - I wanted to explain what it had allowed me to do and all this just spewed out. Very few of this do I ever sit back and really think about. 

I love to be an observer to the world - Just going out to live in a movie.

The movie that I am the main character in. The movie I am so grateful to be a part of.

You need to find yourself so that you can be yourself.

You need to find yourself so you can be yourself. So you can make friends that are true to you. So they can truly be there for you and help you become the person you need to. And keep you accountable for being the person they think you are. 

You need serotonin. It’s the greatest and more powerful tool you’ll have to navigating the world. You need to be calm so you can observe. So you can be strategic. So you can be intelligent. 

People will notice when you have a lot of serotonin. They will listen to what you have to say more when you have it and rely on your guidance more. They will be attracted to it and notice the confidence it allows you to exude. The true confidence - Not ego - that comes from knowing who you are and just being. 

They know it makes you dangerous and they treat you as such. They’re more likely to help you and relish in the time you’re able to spend together. More importantly, they’re more likely to give you the things you ask for. 

Which is why, of course, you also must ask for the things you need. Because the large majority of the time, you will get it when you do. 

Rejuvenating my creativity in Portland.

Spending time in Portland to renew my creativity and center myself again. 

My paradise? On a rooftop in downtown Portland, in the sun with a joint. Where no one knows where I am. 
-

The only way it would be even more blissful was if I didn’t have a phone. And no connection to the outside world during this time of magnificent inspiration and creative madness. Without walls. Without limitations. The universe giving me everything to expand upon myself, helping me continue to find out how to be closer to the world and helping it along the way. The universe has truly given me the freedom to figure out how to use my gift in a way that creates the biggest impact. And I don’t want to waste that potential, though it is a bit of a messy process. Just music. Isolation. Whatever elevates my depth of thought. Aesthetic experiences of every kind. Conversations at the right times. Dipping in and out of normalcy anytime I feel like. 

Blessed to the purest form of the word. Grateful for the opportunity. 

It is strange though. This messy process both benefits me but also holds me back. It’s a little too messy for the current chapter I’m in - but it always rejuvenates a part of my soul and keeps life full of dramatic color. 

It’s like I have the whole world. Like the whole world is mine. To just explore, enjoy and play in. I can navigate it with comfort and appreciation and am continuously excited with every new thing I learn along the way. 

It’s all just a game to me. And even the lowest moments just feel like a part of how the game is played. The entertaining parts are the ones for enjoyment and the difficult are a necessary part of growth and development. Each time makes you wiser. Stronger. More objective. Helps you master yourself more and more. The smarter you are, the greater your power and influence - Which you can use for good or bad. When you use it for good, it is given back to you 100x over. To use it for bad is to give in to your ego, to your shadow, and let your insecurities control you with fear. To be confident means to do well in the world. The more you give, the stronger and more content you will be. You create more of what you want to see in the world and empower each person you touch to go out and do the same. To start the ripple effect that grows exponentially in every direction. 

To do this is to take the difficult path in life. But you realize that the difficult path is the one that provides the best overall experience. It’s makes everyday a new adventure. A new experience. A new bliss. 

-

So you fall asleep each night with a different dream. 

Do not ask for permission.

When you are an artist, you do not ask for permission. '

That’s not your job.

We have billions of people put there following the rules and keeping society together - Your job is to show those 8 billion people a better perspective. A different way of doing things. A more beautiful life. 

If you do not allow yourself to be bored, you cannot be successful with art.

You simply cannot. Unless you get lucky.

Surviving the difficult process of making it with your art is almost impossible. The odds are against you each and every day. The road is riddled with an endless amount of potholes, full of disappointment and rejection.

Each hole enough to swallow up your enthusiasm. Destroy your expectations. Ruin your vision. And make sure you give up before you keep trying.

If, during these times, you are constantly stimulated, you will stumble too long in each of these potholes. Maybe you carry on in the face of rejection but, each pothole conveys a lot of information you need to sift through.

Creative awareness is sharpened through those rejection. Each person that tells you what is wrong with your art, why your project will never work, why you should give up - Is giving you priceless information that you need. '

They are telling you how to evolve. How to maneuver. How to grow smarter and faster.

Use that information. Sit there on your couch for an hour, watching the candle flicker and burn, and think the thoughts you have yet to think. In those thoughts lies your key to being able to step out of that pothole and maybe see the next one just a little bit better. Before you fall into it.

There are days where I’ll spend countless hours just to try and salvage 15 minutes of clarity. But that clarity is deadly - The most dangerous weapon I have to persist and persevere when the world is coming for you.

You might move 10 miles, yet only go three miles forward. But do not underestimate that.

Three miles forward means you’re moving towards the light. And you will get there eventually.

But, for now, you must be able to think.

Where I got so much of the inspiration for my writing from.

I first found Johnny Reilly a few years ago and was stopped in my tracks at the magic in his writing. Such gentle poetry, full of pain and full of heart. Here’s the first poem I found by him:

-

Dear Brother,

Walking the roads of our youth, through the land of our childhood, our home and our truth. Be near me, guide me, always stay beside me so i can be free. Free.

Let’s roam this place familiar and vast, our playground of green frames, our past.

We were wanderers never lost, always home.

When every place was fenceless and time was endless, our ways were always the same.

Cool my demons and walk with me brother, until our roads lead us away from each other. And if your heart’s full of sorrow, keep walking, don’t rest and promise me from heart to chest to never let your memories die, never.

I will always be alive and by your side.

In your mind I’m free.

By: Johnny B.A.N.G. Reilly.

Find What It Is That Brings You Confidence.

Be confident.

I don’t care what you’re confident in. But just find what it is that makes you genuinely self-confident, calm, comfortable. And then shine with it. 

Genuinely confident people do not try to bring others down. They do not lie and hurts others as much. 

They dream. And they dream beyond what’s even possible for them at that moment. But they have to go there, wherever that place is, and will be true to others along the way. 

So find what it is that makes you genuinely self confident. Do it and keep doing it. 

Then let go of the rest. 

Just once, give this a try.

You should see what life is like when you get rid of all the stimulus. You should feel what it’s like to truly be present. 

To let your soul soar in the moment, undistracted by anything except what’s right in front of you. 

To notice children laugh again and their parents cherishing the day with them. 

To remember there’s the moon and watch it dance across the night sky. 

To wander deeper into your memories and feel your grandest dreams again.

To immerse yourself in a conversation enough to be moved by it. 

To pay attention enough to actually be able to remember.

The faces next to you at the stop light. Your favorite line in the book you’re reading. How wonderful the morning sun is, when there’s nowhere else to be.

To feel what it’s truly like to be undeterred by what the rest of the world is doing. For you have no clue what they’re even doing. You don’t even care to.

You wear the clothes that you feel best in. Dance to the songs that you stumble upon. 

You call your friends and have a real conversation with them. Checking up on them after the last time you did.

To feel the clarity of your intuition. The ease it lets you navigate your life with. 

To be able to just sit there and think. About what only you want to.

You should feel what it’s like to notice the intricate faces around you. The fashion they wear. The emotions they show you. The stories they tell.

They’re gorgeous.

Just once, you should see what life is like when you get rid of all the stimulus.

I promise you, you’ll never go back.

The consequences of being yourself.

People might love me. They might enjoy talking to me. They might feel as if there’s a bond we have forged. 

But there are also plenty of times when they don’t understand me. They become defensive. They lash back. They ridicule me. They gossip about me. 

But all of that is fine because there is at least one truth.

They never forget about me. 

How to create real relationships with almost everyone you meet, based on the truth.

Here is something CRUCIAL about knowing yourself, being intuitive, talking to people in person and making eye contact and trusting your read on people and situations:

People cannot lie to you. 

They simply can’t. Not in person. 

They know you’re looking at them when they’re talking. You stand close and they can feel your presence when the words come out of their mouth. They can visually and intuitively see that you’re paying attention to their words and genuinely listening to them. So, when they talk, they tell you the truth - No matter how personal it is - mostly because they trust you but also because they know they have to. 

Now, this is nothing but good. Because almost all people desire to tell people they trust the truth. But, it also illuminates your path with integrity and clarity, because they construct a reality around you where everyone tells you the truth. And, with the strength of a truthful conversation, you get to tell them the truth also and you both get to share in a real conversation. 

And those people that cannot tell the truth? That have built a personality on lies, either to themselves or the people around them? They know that you will see them and call them out on any discrepancies. So they hide from you because there is enough people out there that are not paying attention or have built their own personality on a mirage. And, if you do meet people like this, they cannot look at you, not for any extended duration at least. Because they know you’re watching intently and they know intuitively that you will find the crack. The flaw. The truth.

So those that lie hide from you. And those that don’t tell you the truth.

Life gets pretty easy from there.