Finally ready to love for the right reasons.

The beautiful thing about finally being in a spot where I’m ready for love is:

I have searched the whole world for a way to find myself. I’ve found what I love, what gives me purpose, what inspires me and, most importantly of all, I found myself.

So that I can love with a true heart, without fear, for the right reasons.

But to do that, I had to first feel like I deserved that. And when you come from a low place in your life, it is a lot of self-work to get to a place where you feel that.

But when you do, it’s the most beautiful thing of all and allows you to be calm, honest and strong in the face of love.

Why am I so optimistic?

I have a lot of people that think I am so optimistic/positive because I have traveled the world and found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. That, somewhere out there, I have found the meaning of my life and how to make sense of something that makes no sense at all.

But that's not true. I actually have no clue what I'm doing and never have. And I certainly haven't actually found anything at all that I didn't have within me the whole time.

Let me explain.

It took me half of my lifetime, of chasing dreams and purpose anywhere around the world that I could possibly find it. It took me asking ten thousand questions to ten thousand people to find what I know today.

And here it is. Here's the reason I am so optimistic.

I have found that truly nothing does make sense.

No one has a single clue what they're doing and everyone is trying to find peace with the uncertainty. A lot of that will be found in people having their own family, which immediately makes life make sense because it's not about them anymore. More so over the last couple years, people are more vulnerable than ever and these fears can create insecurity - So give them forgiveness for that.

Because nothing does make sense and no one truly does know what they're doing - It allowed me to throw away the rule book and write my own.

Here's what's in my rule book so far:

First, give yourself the time to truly find out who you are. By yourself. On your own. Have fun with it. Work through the stuff hidden underneath - We ALL have it - And if you don't give yourself the time to work through what's underneath, it will 100% negatively affect you until the day you die. But, when you turn and face it, you find out you are much stronger than you thought... And, even better, you will also find that almost all of those fears were just a mirage. If not all of them. (Write as much as you can during all of this)

Once you know yourself, you can be genuine. Be fiercely authentic. Be fearlessly yourself. No one is judging you for being yourself - In fact, it inspires them to be more like the person they want to be. How do you judge someone that is genuine? To do so would only be an insecurity and that makes it very easy to deal with.

As a part of being genuine, GIVE with no expectations of any return. Tell your friends you love them every time you talk. Call your parents for long conversations, even if you have no clue what to talk about. Tell that girl or guy how you really feel about them and put your heart on the line - Life is stupidly short for anything else - And let go of the rest (Yes, this can be easier said than done at times).

Be clear and intentional with your words.

Show affection. Give affection.

Tell people who are close to you what you're thinking and truly listen to them when they do the same. Learn together. Grow together. Be together.

Then, just get out there and just live. Take care of your body and mind as much as you physically can - You need ALL of it to be in as good of shape as possible. Explore. Be curious as hell. Take a hike with your notepad and don't tell a single person. Take lots of chances and fail at all of them... Until you don't anymore. Be good to one another - Even if it's not returned to you. (And, as a part of this, do not tolerate anyone in your life who disrespects you or your heart).

Tell your friends when you need them to listen. And listen to them when they do the same.

Shut off the distractions. Get off the drugs.

Life is more beautiful than I can put into words because of all these things mentioned above and all you have to do is see it for yourself.

I'm sorry to say it but there is no light at the end of the tunnel. There's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But, when you live like this, you realized you were already there the whole time - You were born in the pot of gold and all you have to do is notice whats already around you to see that.

Pour your heart into the world. We all need it. I promise you one thing more than anything else - You will ALWAYS get it back and so much more in return.

Give us that heart.

Love you all.

Fear.

You might have fear. Fear of dying. Fear of rejection. Fear of fear itself. Fear is a valid tool, as a part of our evolution, to ensure we still moved forward as a species. 

But, if you truly live, fear of dying cannot exist. For if that fear did not exist, if death was not a possibility, then truly living in spite of that would not be worth it. 

The more comfortable I get, the more I fall asleep.

What I am really trying to show here is - The more comfortable my life gets, the more I fall apart because, like most people - If I am not doing what gives me purpose, if I am sitting in a dim comfortable room outside of the sunlight, I go to sleep.

Emotionally, mentally, creatively. When that happens, I get more and more depressed until I hit a wall and say fuck it. I get the fuck out and start to move and become alive again.

That’s why I said: ‘As long as I never sit still, I can never die.’

Soft, golden mornings.

I wake up in the morning to soft, golden light pouring through my window. No alarm. No noise. No rush. The light wakes me up the same way a gentle touch would by someone I loved. It’s kind. It tells me, without saying a word, that today will be good. I move slowly, as theres no time that even matters. Theres not one person in the world that could find me and that blankets me with a sense of calm that is indescribable. So much of what I am trying to do now has to have that sense of peace because the inspiration I am looking for everyday. Can only be found by not looking for it. Only by being in that one pure, singular moment where a clear thought might gently brush across your cheek. For just one quick moment. If I am distracted, I will never notice it. And, if my mind is busy, then ill swat it away when I feels it’s gentle touch. Only by sitting there without a single place to be will that thought join me.

So that’s what im doing. Just doing nothing. At this pone, perfect moment in my strange and beautiful life. The greatest gift I can give to myself and to the world is to create from this stillness and theres no bottom to that process there. After stepping away from social media and technology, I find there is unlimited color that has been hiding just below the surface. For years, when that color would start to break the surface and show its beauty, I would pull out a phone and immerse myself in the black and white world of distraction. By doing that, I lost my heart, I got depressed and I lost all sense of purpose. By letting that color back in, I was given the gift of being myself again. With all of the beautiful imperfections and magic my heart holds inside of it. I don’t have to think about how to share my love with the world - I just burn, with every person I am lucky enough to meet. And they burn with me, every single time. 

The world is not looking for anyone making another instagram post or taking another selfie. They are desperately looking for someone to just talk with. To connect with. To just be human with.

By being myself, to myself, I get to remember what I truly need to be happy. To be grateful. To share love to myself and others. To ask myself and others for what I truly need to feel I’ve lived a life fulfilled. And most of all, I can truly listen to the world for what they need the most and maybe, just maybe, I can give it to them and start a chain reaction of compassion. So we. Can all do our part in alleviating the weight of the world together.

Big Sur.

Big Sur.

These places where I used to illegally sleep in their parking lots. Where I used to wait until dark and then hike through a river to an island to pitch a tent and sleep. When I was living on only $5. A day. $1 a day on indulgence. I was homeless and had nowhere else to go.

These places now give me their best possible cabins to sleep in for free. They pay for all the food, food that I would never have been able to afford just a short time ago. 

All so I will just come and photograph what I see.

Only whatever I feel inspired to. They don’t tell me anything.

They just give me everything I need to be able to create.

And it’s quite a strange feeling.

My first morning being home after this last trip.

The reason you travel? To be a better human. And there are so many ways to do that but let me give you one that struck me this morning, on my first morning being home.

I wake up in my warm bed, with nowhere to be. In silence. In a place I am allowed to be as long as I would like to. I get up and make my own coffee. I pet my cats. It feels like a drug - This rest having been earned. I walk across the street to the grocery store and I buy stuff for breakfast and half and half. I go home and make another cup of coffee.

The simplest things possible. The things that make up my daily routine for a lot of the year. But because I haven’t had them in so long - I am filled with a grateful sense of enjoyment for each and every one of them. I actually stop and think about them as I do them. I walk into the grocery store - Realizing I can buy anything I want in this store to have whatever kind of day I would like to - And I feel blessed. The coffee tastes better. The couch feels more comfortable. The air smells sweeter. The shower feels hotter. Everything about this makes me feel grateful - For the simplest things that I far too often take for granted.

That’s it. That’s everything. That sums up one more component on why you travel and why you leave your comfort zone. My grandma always had a sign on her refrigerator that said ‘Happiness is not getting what you want. It’s wanting what you have.’ And I get it. I don’t need anything at all. Not one single thing more than what I have right now and I can feel it in my core and it’s that feeling right there that I wish everyone could feel just once. 

Getting home after this last trip.

I just walked into my home after 28 days in Europe, on the road. And dear God did I get the life sucked out of me the moment that door closed behind me.

A million memories came right back to me. Of sitting here before, so scared, when I couldn’t even move before. When I was paralyzed by fear, by indecision, by procrastination.

Now, I come home like a warrior coming back from battle. But, for now at least, it feels like all of it was just a dream. There’s no way all those memories happened. Maybe I just fell asleep and woke up just a few minutes ago, imagining all these moments before.

-

But, for now, I wake up, on my first morning after being home from Europe, and I feel this bliss. The bliss of the first morning being home. My warm bed. My cats. Silent mornings. Peace. Nowhere to be. Home.

I feel all these beautiful, blissful feelings and it shows me something very important that I learned over this last month. What depression is to me and how to avoid it. Depression is too much routine. Too much of letting my brain fall asleep in monotony. Lack of social experiences and being around people for too long. Lack of creativity and lack of inspiration. 

Just sitting and waiting for something to happen is the worst place I can be in. 

I can’t be here too long - By myself at least, and I know that - But I can truly cherish and enjoy this rest as long as its been deserved. But discipline will be crucial.

Here's the deal. I always thought I was going to die young.

Look, here’s the deal. I’ve always thought I was going to die young. Now, I don’t know if I thought I was going to die early because of me falling off a cliff, getting hit by a train or something crazy like that. Or something more normal like a heart attack, with my weird crazy heart. Maybe this is a reason why I don’t let these girls get close to me, or anyone for that matter, because ive always felt like that.

But regardless, its why I make sure I live 1,000 lifetimes as early as I physically can. Its why I burn down every possible dream and chase it as far into the sunset as physically possible. Its why I will not tolerate a no - How the fuck could you care about a no, in the face of death? It’s worthless. It’s a game. It just makes me go after my dreams harder, faster. 

It does certainly put a bit of an expediency to my timeline and something I feel. Again, whether this is completely false and just something I tell myself or if there’s some logic to it - I guess we’ll never know until that time truly comes. But, in the mean time, Im going 120 miles an hour in a 25 mph school zone. I’m past the gatekeeper so ridiculously fast that they don’t have the time to question what im doing. Im seeing things as often as possible, that people keep on their bucket list for far too long. I’m creating with every beat of blood that my heart can push out. Tired, scared, uncertain - I’m creating during all of it. I’ve written more in the last 6 months than I have in the last 10 years. The only thing that can possibly get me to sit still for a moment is if I smoke pot and im such a crazy son of a bitch that, knowing that, I left all of it at home for this entire month.

Im burning. Im burning. 

Whether I live until im 100 or I die when im 40, I’m doing everything I can to make sure I leave the world better for my time being here. 

I’m doing everything I can to make sure I can never die.

There are many times this project strips me to my core.

It breaks me down. Burns me to the ashes. Leaves me wondering what the hell I am doing. How I could take this any farther. When any of this will make sense.

When it does, I keep this poem written with me. A classic that, in my opinion, is the only way to truly live:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas - 1914-1953

My first experience in the world by myself. Where I first learned the beauty of humanity. In Poland.

About 12 years ago, I was fortunate enough to get an opportunity to go to Poland to teach English. It was my first real chance to experience the world on my own and I was ecstatic (and terrified) to go. 

I had absolutely no clue what to expect. I was a dumb kid at the time, more interested in partying and chasing girls than real relationships and experience. It was a small village called Zgierz, near the birthplace of Chopin, a long ways down the train tracks. I was coming from the comfortable suburbs in America and had never been to a place so simple. 

But I will never forget how much it taught me humanity. Humility. Compassion. Hospitality. 

We were from different worlds and they treated me like I was a member of their own family. The parents were so grateful that we were teaching their children English (many of them could not speak it themselves), that they would bring us roses to thank us. The kids would never let the pencils we gave them out of their sight, not leaving any possibility of not learning as much as possible as they could. I gave one of the students a frisbee and he would sit on it everyday so that he would never lose it and so that no one would ever possibly take it. 

They gave me a place to stay. Cooked every single meal (as well as afternoon cookies and tea of course!) and wiped be offended if I even offered to do the dishes as a thank you. My translator finally told me ‘We have a saying in Poland - If you have a guest in your home, it is if you have a god in your home.’

When I was leaving, the whole village brought me food to go, walked me to the train station and then insisted on paying for my train tickets.

Throughout the entire time I was there, not a single penny was exchanged.

(Oh and, when leaving, Anna asked for my address and mailed me a hand drawn portrait she had made of me).

When I put the pen to paper.

I really never know what is going to come out when I put the pen to the paper.

I don’t think about the words I’m writing. I just keep my head clear and let my thoughts melt into the ink. It helps me visualize my thinking. Pour water on the flames of ambition. Bushwhack through a jungle of creativity. Tread on top of the chaotic currents of emotion. And breathe in fully the vast depth of experience.

It’s the only way I know how to navigate a world that many times makes no sense. If I didn’t know how, I would likely drown in my own questions for far too long, thinking I had walked 1,000 miles but actually never moving forward. 

The days I will surely forget. But that is okay.

Today, I drove down the lost coast road.

I weaved in and out of grand redwood trees and above the clouds they stood below. And I thought about how I will surely forget many of these memories.

But that is okay with me.

Because these experiences are the blood that courses through my veins. They are the kindling that keeps my soul on fire. The foundation that keeps the stars in the sky above.

The days that make dreaming at night completely pointless. 

“Given enough time, the universe begins to ponder it’s own existence.”

There is no compromise allowed.

There is no compromise allowed, right now, in this one perfect moment of creation.

I have fully let go of the wheel and given the keys to my insatiable curiosity, to see what dusty roads of creativity is may lead me on. Not even I know what will be created. What will be written or photographed down those roads. Sometimes, nothing is.

But I sit in the passenger seat of my own creativity and leave my seat belt undone, carrying nothing but a pad of paper and a cheap pen. And throwing myself fully into that experience. Because, if I try to harness the words and force them onto paper, y writing will be a fraud. Written from a desire to show others what I can do rather than just stoke the fire and let myself burn in the ashes. 

No, I do not control the pen anymore. I just put it in my hands and let the ink flow with every beat of my heart. Unapologetically. Without a single person to impress but the artistic soul within.

But I surely do not control it. It’s like sand that you try to grip with your hands. The hardest you squeeze, the more of it that falls from your grasp. 

After 25 days of spontaneous travel, I know one thing for certain.

As long as I never sit still, I can never die. 

Today, I am grateful I got fired from my last job. I might never be here if I wasn't.

Today, I am reminded of my gratitude for the employees I see every day.

This was always me throughout my entire life. I was always the server. During these years, it felt like a vacuum because all of the energy I needed to dream went into my work. Building relationships with other employees at my job. And then, whatever life I could pay attention to outside of work. There was so little left for me to be able to see how to get out of that hole.

Everything changed for me when I was fired from my last job. It was an emotional day for me, with me feeling absolutely devastated as she did so. I remember walking out of that restaurant, feeling a mixture of anger, defeat and resolve. 

But I had just a little different of a perspective after this time. I had been fired from so many jobs before and, when I was, I would feel like a victim, mope around and then go out and get another job doing the  same thing. Rinse and repeat. 8 years of my life disappeared doing this, as I was addicted to the comfort and routine of what I was doing. But, seeing I had started this last job, I had started to really fall in love with photography. So, when I was let go, I walked home and wrote myself a note that said ‘No woe is me. The time is now. Make photography your life.’

Maybe it was symbolic. Maybe it was manifesting. I don’t know. I don’t really believe in a lot of that.

All I do know is I felt like I couldn’t turn back once I said this. I didn’t have enough money or comfort to fuck around so it was all in or die trying. And I truly never did look back. Since then, 5 years has passed and I can say with all honesty, I don’t know where all this money and comfort came from - But I do know it all came from my imagination. Most of this was from weddings, something I had ZERO clue how to do and was absolutely terrified, but I had thrown myself into training first and so I felt it was worth taking the risk. From that fear and understanding that I couldn’t fuck up, everything came together.

So, the next time you are fired, see it as only an opportunity. Do not see yourself as a victim in it. There can be no progress in that and the world really has no sympathy for those that do not try with everything they’ve got. We all need to be inspired by those that have overcome challenges to prove that it is possible. In seeing just one person do this, it can inspire hundreds of others to do the same. 

Why Learning Is The Greatest Thing We Could Do.

“When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialize for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning.

He slowly begins to learn - bit by bit at. first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid. Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly.

His purpose becomes a battlefield.

And thus he has stumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: Fear. A terrible enemy - treacherous and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting. And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest.

‘What will happen to the man if he runs away in fear?’

Nothing happens to him except that he will never learn. He will never become a man of knowledge. He will perhaps be a bully, or a harmless, scared man.

At any rate, he will be a defeated man. His first enemy will have put an end to his cravings.

‘And what can be done to overcome fear?’

The answer is very simple: He must not run away. He must defy his fear and, in spite of it, he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next.

He must be fully afraid and yet he must not stop.

That is the rule! And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task.

When this joyful moment comes, the man can say without hesitation that he has defeated his first natural enemy.

‘Does it happen at once or little by little?’

It happens little by little and yet, the fear is vanquished suddenly and fast.

‘But won’t the man be afraid again if something new happens to him?’

No. Once a man has vanquished fear, he is free from it for the rest of his life because, instead of fear, he has acquired clarity - A clarity of mind erases fear. By then, a man knows his desires; he knows how to satisfy those desires. He can anticipate the new steps of learning, and a new sharp clarity surrounds everything. The man feels that nothing is concealed.

He will know at this point that the power he has been pursuing for so long is finally his. He can do with it whatever he pleases. His ally is at his command. His wish is the rule. He sees all that is around him.

However, power is the strongest of all enemies. And naturally, the easiest thing to do is giving in - After all, the man is truly invincible. He commands; he begins by taking calculated risks and ends in making rules because he is now his own master.

Love Letters Of Reflection On A Train Ride In Italy.

My time had certainly expired in Sorrento - The indulgence and comforts took me as far as they were going to, and were not serving me any more than a delay on the reasons I came here for. As fortunate as I feel for being able to experience such comforts, when it is just me by myself, I am very aware that my time is best spent closest to my creative heart or I really do begin to let my soul fall asleep. And nothing good can happen from there.

We are snaking through the Italian countryside with grand volcanoes to my right. Clouds are swirling around the tops of them, looking like Jurassic Park, but much more inviting. The base of them are dotted with old stone homes, their yards dotted with clothes hung from wires, blowing in the fresh air to get a scent that could never be bottled. One of my favorite movies is ‘Inglorious Bastereds’ and these homes look identical to the one in the very beginning. Such simple lives - I can only wonder who lives in them and what they could possibly do. There is surely no business so I can only assume they are gloriously self-sustainable, not having a clue what wars are being fought in different places in the world. Ignorance can be such a beautiful thing.

This morning, on my final day in Sorrento, I decided to get lost in the stone alleyways that dot the cliffs above my hotel. I didn’t think they would lead to much - Maybe a dead end or private property - But they ended up taking me on an adventure that led me for miles down cobblestone streets and tall moss-covered walls. I stopped for a moment to record and, as I did, a lady walked by and asked if I was filming ‘a documentario’. I told her I was - It was easier than explaining and in a way, we are - And she got so excited she told me to go up to her home to see her yard. I headed that direction but, since she was walking into town, I never ended up finding the exact yard. Regardless, I ended up in stone alleyways that were absolutely saturated with the smell of fresh citrus - With orange and lemon trees in every direction. Wooden shutters were open, with no screens on the windows. It was Sunday and the weather was warm so you could hear music and conversation coming from every open window. I took a lemon down (One is going to be in the package I’m sending tomorrow) and before I knew it, my hands and arms took on the same scent. It was really beautiful. 

I went a bit farther and I finally got the scent of fresh homemade Italian food emanating from one of these homes. I thought it was pasta but I then realized it was pasta sauce - I could distinctly smell the tomatoes and the oregano. So I let myself be led by that scent, honestly hoping I found an open window or grandma outside that I was going to ask if I could have lunch with them. I am sure they would have said yes but unfortunately, the scent led me to a closed down restaurant that one of the neighbors told me was long gone. I asked about the scent and he just smiled - But didn’t offer me any direction for where to go next.

I finally found my way back into the town - Now hopelessly late to check out from the hotel. I got some fresh salami and locally made Parmesan from the market for the train ride and then went back to pack up and head to the station. Now, my stomach is full and the train is silent - So I felt like writing a bit before dozing off, hopefully not waking up until the train pulled into Tuscany.

I know I frame a lot of that story to be glorious - And it truly is - But the truth is, today had a lot of lonely moments also. I am grateful that Jack will be here next week but the truth is - I have reached the limit on my solo long journeys for now. I just do not do as well when I am by myself for such long periods of time - I have chased the sunset for enough years on my own to see what I was running from. I suppose in a way - I surely still run from something - but I don’t run from those I care about anymore. I’ve reached the end of that tunnel, seeing there was nothing there except for the same lessons I would have to go through regardless. So I sunk into the healing necessary to be where I am at today.

I suppose also - I still have a bit of a belief that my best creativity can only come from the depths. And those depths are not places I am able to discover without going through a lonely process within that pain. I know this is true and that gorgeous, dark holes can surely bring out new layers of our imagination. But the toll it takes on my mental health at this point also does not allow the clarity it used to. I started this project with something to prove - Partially to myself and partially to the world - And at a point, you have to stop and look at how far you’ve come in doing so and appreciate the fulfillment that has been earned through the fire you’ve walked through. I know this will be my last trip completely alone, of this magnitude at least, and that is surely why there was some fear and apprehension in beginning it. These trips are the sole definition of why travel can be so transformative - True, complex, spontaneous travel at least (which only crazy fucks like me put themself into) - In that it strips away every possible superficiality that grew upon your identity when you went back home. And you are always left remembering that your body is just a vehicle for your soul, and this is an opportunity to be the best human you can be with these experiences. 

A very exciting announcement of the next chapter with this project.

Coming this next week, I couldn't be more excited to bring my project back to Europe, where this whole adventure first began.

-

Just five years ago, I was sitting in Coeur d' Alene, struggling with life as much as one human can. I had just gone through a very difficult breakup and was left in my home completely alone, not knowing a single person in this town. I fell apart and struggled to find purpose. I couldn't figure out how to meet new friends or how to have meaningful conversations anymore. I truly thought the only way this would ever work would be if I succumbed to social media and used that as a way to feel less alone. I tried. It made it so much worse.

I finally hit a wall and couldn't be alone any longer. I had really fallen into an emotional hole and was having thoughts that scared me so I knew I had to do something. Something at all. Something to keep me alive and moving forward.

I was waiting tables at the time and didn't have much money. But I just knew I wasn't going to make it if I stayed in that rut so, one day, I looked at a map and saw Europe. I felt the blood start moving again the moment I thought about the different cultures. The different architecture. The different smells and sights. It was the first time I had felt anything in quite a long time so I held onto it as much as I could. I started to daydream about getting there and being able to feel awake again, feeling creatively and personally challenged.

I knew what I had to do.

I looked at flights and, with money I had saved up waiting tables at restaurants, I booked a ticket to Copenhagen, Denmark (cheapest flight I could find). I had no plan other than that. And I barely had any money left over after the ticket so I figured I would scare the shit out of myself and have to figure it out.

One morning, the idea of train travel popped into my head. I absolutely loved this thought of being able to move around the many countries in Europe by train, a romantic and beautiful way to be closer to the cultures as I moved through them. But I surely couldn't afford a train ticket.

I Googled around and found that Eurail ran most of the trains in all of Europe. I went to their website and found their contact information and just put together a quick and passionate email about my trip, why I was doing it and why I wanted to involve trains into it. My idea at the time was to try to connect with strangers on the trains, as we're all stuck together for long periods of time, and would photograph the cities as I passed through them.

I never expected to even hear back from Eurail. Finally, they did and to my absolute surprise, they wanted a lot more information and asked a lot of questions. I went through the questions and answered them honesty and finally, after a lot of deliberation, they agreed to sponsor my crazy idea. They offered me a 'Forever Pass', which allowed me to travel any train, anytime, in all of Europe. It was the first of many dreams to come true from leaving my comfort zone.

I did NOT have much of a photography portfolio at that time and I was not very good at all. It was ONLY my passion in words that came through when they read it.

Since I didn't have much money after booking the flight, I figured I could sleep on the trains at night - Which took a big concern off of my shoulders.

I flew to Copenhagen, got an airBNB for the first three nights and that was it. There were no other plans at all. The first night I got there, I threw up in my airBNB I was so scared, knowing I had no clue what was going to happen or how I was going to figure this all out. If I was going to run out of money, where I was going to sleep, etc.

But all that mattered was that I finally felt alive again. I finally felt awake again. I had a fire that was burning in my heart again, fueling my curiosity and giving me purpose again.

Each and every day after, I just started to walk through cities with my camera. The curiosity alone fueled me to see more and more every day and, as I did, my creativity came back and I kept trying to challenge it. I would take beautiful photographs of the cities and architectures every day which kept me busy but, still, I wasn't leaving my comfort zone. I was wonderfully and safely hidden behind my camera - An observer to the world around me, where no one could ever find me. I knew I had to keep pushing myself. I was on this trip to be changed and to do that, I would have to do many of the things I did not want to do.

I started photographing people from a far. I liked the idea a lot because it allowed me to show people how beautiful the world naturally was. Each and every day, I would see people sitting in these beautiful frames, matching the colors and settings all around them. It was a lot of fun to just be curious and see how many of these situations I could find each day. I would photograph people from a far and then walk away before they ever noticed. I enjoyed doing it but each time, I felt myself choosing comfort instead of doing what I knew I needed to.

If I wanted to scare myself as much as possible, I needed to start saying hello to these people I was photographing. To interact with the world more around me. To put myself out there and quit hiding in the shadows but allow myself to be seen. But to do this meant to do what terrified me the most - To allow myself to possibly be rejected and misunderstood.

The very first person I approached and asked for their photograph told me no. It started with a rejection. But surprisingly, it did not destroy me as much as I told myself it would in my head. I found that the whole situation - The approach, conversation, eye contact, etc. - Got my heart beating more than it had in a long time. Even though it didn't work out well, I was too creatively excited to do anything but keep trying.

In the very beginning, I was so scared to approach strangers that I came up with and rehearsed a script. I would walk up to people and tell them 'Hello! I am going all over the world to take pictures of things I find beautiful and, in this moment, this is SO beautiful! Would you mind if I took this picture?' I thought it was elegant and confident. But, when I did, I found that almost everybody told me no. They didn't trust me and they sure as hell didn't trust the speech. They felt like they were being sold something or that I wanted something from them. When you approach a stranger, you have mere milliseconds to be able to earn someone's trust and if there is any disconnect at all, you will never get it and you will likely never get a second chance.

Even though I was disheartened, I was determined to continue trying. I had nothing else better to do and was pissed off at the disconnect so I wanted to figure out what was going on. And that is when something very magical happened.

After countless rejections, I was so beaten down by all the no's I had gotten, that I started to forget about the script and throw it away. I was tired and exhausted. But I wasn't ready to give up the idea yet. The more tired I got, the more vulnerable I became. And when I threw away the script, I asked people passionately, vulnerably, and then almost every single person said YES. I went from 90%+ rejection to 90%+ people saying yes.

What the hell was this?

I started to understand that people could feel my vulnerability and read it as something that was sincere and could be trusted. I still looked people in the eye and was excited when I talked to them and all this together started allowing me to get all of these photographs of strangers, almost anywhere I wanted them. I understood that, when I was vulnerable first, people always met me in the middle and were vulnerable with me back. This created very connected, meaningful conversations with each person I would meet and, best of all, I didn't have to be anyone but myself. And they knew that they didn't have to be anyone but themselves. This created a bond of trust and intimacy immediately and the conversation just flowed naturally from there.

This was when people started telling me 'I haven't even told this to my wife!' 'I haven't even told this to my father!' There was sincere and concrete trust and we both always felt completely safe, intuitively, to tell each other the truth and be human with one another.

Suddenly, I didn't feel nearly as alone in the world.

I started to see strangers as people I could welcome into my life and be a part of there's. As an introvert, I wasn't able to do this every day but I at least understood that it was always possible, if I would first leave my comfort zone and say hello.

I was lit on fire with passion and purpose from this understanding and couldn't stop moving. I would routinely walk 15-20 miles a day, looking for anything that excited my curiosity and then interacting with it to feel more connected to the world. This was NEVER easy (and still is not). Every time I would see someone I wanted to say hello to and ask for their photograph, the butterflies would start in my stomach and I would come up with 100 reasons why I shouldn't. Why it would be so much safer not to.

But I understood the process so I listened to these fears less and less as I continued.

I went to 8 countries, approaching hundreds of strangers and sharing in their lives as much as they shared in mine. But it wasn't until I was in Milan when things really went even deeper.

I was bouncing around countries on the trains and never had a clue where I was going or going to end up. I ended up in Milan and decided to hop off the train to check out the town and see what I could find. After I got out of the train and walked out into the station, I immediately noticed hundreds of refugees, standing all over the place either by themselves or in small groups. I wanted to learn more about their situations to better empathize and understand so I walked around until I saw a gentleman sitting on a concrete step by himself. I immediately saw the picture and knew I had to ask.

I walked up to him, introduced myself and politely said hello and asked for his photograph. He looked at me and stared for a couple seconds before quickly saying 'No.' Now, I was really exhausted at this point and, in that exhaustion, a bit of additional awkwardness arose and I blankly stared at him for a couple seconds after the no, having no answer to respond with. I really wanted the photograph but I didn't have the energy to really put myself out there and try to gain his trust. I just looked at him, holding my camera.

After a few seconds of brutal awkwardness, confused, he said 'Well, what are you going to do with it?' That woke me up. I said 'Oh! I am traveling all over the world to learn how to connect with the world and photograph the beauty of it. When I saw you sitting here, I immediately saw how beautiful this picture was and wanted to get to know you, if possible. I don't want anything at all for it.'

He stared at me.

Finally, he said 'Okay. You can get the photograph.'

I ran over to the spot where I saw the picture and quickly took it, capturing the same smile and beauty in him that I saw before I said hello. I ran up, excited, and showed him the photograph on the back of the camera, expecting him to give a quick glance and then go about his business.

But, when I showed him the photograph on the back of the camera, he reached out and slowly took the camera from me - Looking even closer at the photograph. I didn't know what he was doing but I was still exhausted so I stood there while he did. He examined the picture closely, a very slight smile forming on his mouth as he did. And finally, he looked up at me, now with tears forming in his eyes and said 'No one has ever asked to take my photograph before.'

Holy shit. Tears immediately started to well up in my eyes also. We just looked at each other, completely 100% vulnerable and connected in these brief interaction, and I knew exactly what he meant and why it was so significant. I saw him. But I didn't just see him, I interacted and said hello to him, really wanting nothing at all. Because I saw him and said hello, looking him in the eyes when we talked, he knew he wasn't alone in that moment and we both shared a very human encounter from there.

And it cost me nothing at all except for my pride and embracing my fears.

I realized right then that that's the magic of this project. It's not for the photograph or even the conversation as much as it is showing people that I see them - And allowing them to see me also. In that, we both felt less alone in a world that is constantly moving around us, seeing us but so, so rarely interacting with us - Making us feel like an extra in their movie. Like we are a ghost passing through. Even just a brief hello with eye contact is enough to remind us that we're not nearly as alone as we allow ourselves to believe sometimes.

From there, I knew what I had to do and I just threw myself into being as close to people as possible. I would say hello, ask for the photograph but then quickly put the camera away to just share in their lives with them. There was never a script to this. I never had a single clue what I was doing or what I was going to say. I just put myself out there and figured it out as I went, allowing the conversations to be very connected and genuine every single time.

I ended up going to 14 countries on that one trip. I spent over 130 hours on the trains in the first 30 days. I couldn't stop. I wanted to see as much as I could but even better, keep trying to understand this idea of vulnerability and authenticity. I kept putting myself in more and more difficult situations - Language disconnects, poverty, crime, everything. Whatever I could do to try to poke holes in this awareness and prove to me that maybe it was just luck.

It proved the opposite. Being vulnerable allowed me to connect with almost every person, almost every single time, no matter how extreme the situation was. No matter how different I looked or sounded than the people I was approaching.

It changed my life. And thankfully, countless others around the world. This project has now been to 20 countries, approaching thousands of strangers around the world and sharing in our lives together. I have done this in countries as complicated as Cuba. Countries as comfortable as the United States. Countries like Jamaica where I was ALWAYS the minority and always had to earn respect in each situation to be able to connect deeper with them. I went from a 90%+ rejection rate to now, I have less than a 3% rejection rate, as an overall average, combining every country I have brought this too.

It always works. It's always important. And it's the simplest thing of all - To just be yourself. Be vulnerable. And put yourself out there.

Now, I get to head back to where it all began. Back to Europe with another collaboration with Eurail, allowed to go to up to 32 countries this time to find connection and culture. I will be flying into Rome and only have a place for the first three days. From there, I will interact with locals to not just share in their lives but also to let them tell me where to go - So that this entire trip is spontaneous.

Join me on another beautiful, wild ride. Love you all.

Why I am so minimal with technology.

Those two parts should explain why I am the way I am with technology.

No social media. And no desire to be famous or in the spotlight.

I love my freedom and my solitude. And I found that sincere joy when I had nothing at all.

So, still to this day, there’s nothing you can offer me to take away from that understanding. And it takes all of the fun away from running if you can always contact me.